ROB KRIDER

Some people don’t see the attraction of watching a NASCAR race on television. I think the most common mistake people make the first time they tune into a NASCAR event is that they’re not drunk. You’re not supposed to drink and drive, but it’s a requirement to drink and watch other people drive on TV. […]

I love big events: the Super Bowl, the Daytona 500, even Wimbledon. Really, I like any big sporting event where I get to eat potato chips and drink beer. I just enjoy the intensity of a championship bout regardless of what the sport is (I am secretly looking forward to watching curling in the Winter […]

I had two New Year’s resolutions. The first was to stop spending all of the family’s vacation money by going out and racing cars. The second was to keep my wife, whom I love, happy. Simply enough, her happiness would automatically improve if I would stop racing. But just like 99.9 percent of all New […]

My son has a personality disorder. It’s not the usual stuff that all kids seem to have these days: ADD, ADHD, or HUA (head up anus). It’s far worse than that. To describe it simply, he’s cheap. If he had a dollar in his pocket, and you needed 10 more cents to pay for the […]

This time of year, my mailbox fills up with lots of Christmas joy and a little bit of Christmas anxiety. The joy comes from the many Christmas cards I receive from long-lost friends and can’t-seem-to-get-lost family. I love seeing pictures of my friends and their growing kids. I like knowing I’m not the only one […]

My entire family, my co-workers, and all of my friends are totally immersed in Facebook. They absolutely love it and use it all day long. They update their status on an hourly basis: “Jim is enjoying a nice cup of coffee.” “Andy is at the beach.” “Susan’s monthly friend has arrived.” People love to post […]

My daughter has one of those enormous hearts that has all kinds of room in it to love all of the Earth’s different creatures. Unfortunately for her, the mom she was assigned to by the random draw of birth does not want any of the Earth’s little creatures inside “her” house. My wife, whom I […]

I make just enough money to have about three cents left in my account on the last day of the month. My bank balance is a delicate thing that has to be handled with absolute care and precision. Even a minuscule error can be disastrous—not only disastrous to my finances, but, more importantly, disastrous to […]

Technically, I am not allowed in my own kitchen—or “my wife’s kitchen,” I should say. I am occasionally granted permission to enter the air space around “her” kitchen, but only to do menial tasks like take out the stinking trash or kill a life-threatening evil spider. Any other kitchen access (like getting some cheese and […]

I’ll never forget the first time I drove a car: a beat-up Volkswagen Beetle. It was the stereotypical 16-year-old boy’s VW, with primer for paint and a stiff lowered suspension that would knock the fillings out of your teeth when you rode in it. The car was probably worth about $700, but it had a […]

Imagine the voice of one of those smooth-talking, enthusiastic boxing announcers: “We have a big heavyweight match-up here tonight, folks. It’s a championship bout, with everything on the line. It’s fight night at the Krrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriders!   “In this corner, weighing in, according to her driver’s license, at 130 pounds: ‘The wife, whom he loves,’ Mrs. […]