ROB KRIDER

My kids went back to school recently, which means we can finally clean the living room. There was really no point cleaning it during the three months of summer. As soon as we picked up the 75 DVD cases (each with the wrong DVD in it) and pushed aside the Wii accessories to clear a […]

My son has discovered girls. Well, maybe I should say they have discovered him. It is an undisputed, proven, scientific fact that girls mature faster than boys. Female accelerated maturity renders similar-aged boys powerless and confused.   One of these young, yet older girls got the attention of my son recently. He doesn’t stand a […]

My kids wish that I was involved in a terrible car accident and was killed. That way they could order cable television, and I wouldn’t be able to stop them. No, maybe they don’t actually wish that I was dead, but they would like it if my job moved me to Alaska for a year, […]

Breaking news: I’m a guy, and I stink. This may not be actual news for some of you, but some folks (namely my wife) think men should never smell bad. As much as that is a nice utopian theory, I have to work, which results in perspiration, which results in body odor, which, luckily for […]

When I’m driving somewhere, I refuse to pull over and ask for directions. This absolutely infuriates my wife. She doesn’t understand why I won’t simply pull the car over and ask for help. I’ve tried to explain to her that men just can’t do it. I physically can’t pull over and ask for directions anymore […]

I didn’t make it to Milan this year to see the latest in spring fashion. In fact, I didn’t even make it to the mall to see what’s in style. Of course, I’m pretty sure I know what the “it” thing is this season: layers. A little hint here: It’s always layers. Every year, layers […]

I had a lot of friends growing up. My friends and I loved Garbage Pail Kids, G.I. Joe, and hearing the sound of the nearby ice cream truck. As time goes on, friends grow apart and nowadays, there are some whose names and faces I can hardly even remember. Except for one particular friend; I’ll […]

I have this one bad habit my poor wife has to deal with on a daily basis. No, I’m not talking about body odor or stomach gas, although she is forced to deal with that, too. I’ll come clean and admit it: I’m a snoozer. No, not a boozer (which exhibits some of the same […]

I enjoy the finer things in life. For instance: ping pong and beer. I like my ping-pong to be played in dirty garages on old, faded, warped tables, and I like my beer in the bottle, or in the can, or from a keg, I suppose. Eh, come to think of it, when it comes […]

My wife took some much-needed R&R from the kids—or maybe it was the kids and me she was taking a vacation from. Regardless of whom she was sick of picking up after/feeding/taking care of, she was gone, and “coincidently” her cell phone battery died. This meant the kids and I were on our own. We […]