Before I was a husband and a father, I was an impressionable boy attending Cal Poly. Like most impressionable boys, my main task was trying to impress girls. I tried all sorts of schemes: surfing (never very good), growing my hair long (never washed it), and getting my nose pierced (never again). Surprisingly, girls weren’t […]
ROB KRIDER
Posted inMusic, Arts & Culture
Sailing the seas of cheese
Can’t get enough of that dairy stuff
Based on the endless parade of idiotic decisions I continually make as a husband, you’d never know that I’ve been married for more than 10 years. It’s like I need to take a remediation course on relationships. The class should be titled “What not to buy your wife for Valentine’s Day, her birthday, your anniversary, […]
Posted inMusic, Arts & Culture
Dial another day
Do members of the pre-teen set really need cell phones?
My daughter has been literally hanging on my leg and begging me for a cell phone since the moment she popped out of the womb. Her first word wasn’t “mama” or “dada,” it was “Blackberry.” For years, I’ve continued to argue with her that there was no way she was getting a cell phone. She […]
Posted inMusic, Arts & Culture
The color of debt
Krider in the red means credit card blues
I love getting mail. I guess I’m sort of old-fashioned about the United States Post Office, but every time I open the mailbox I still believe anything could be inside. I realize that when I open my mailbox I won’t find a check for a million dollars or a portal to a beer garden, but […]
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It was leaving her breathless
Krider realizes his breath can be a weapon of mass destruction
The other day I came home from work, and when I went in to give my wife a kiss, she made a sour face and turned her head away. I was shocked. “What’s up, Baby?” “Your breath smells like a sweaty garbage can is what’s up.” “A sweaty garbage can? Really?” “Yes, it’s part rotten […]
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Racing pedal to the porcelain
Krider sacrifices bladder control for victory�
It was that time of year again: for me and three of my less-intelligent friends to compete in the 24 Hours of LeMons, an endurance car race held with $500 cars. Each junk car has its own theme. Sticking with our Central Coast roots, we bolted a surfboard to the roof of our junker. It […]
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Word problems
Krider is no mathlete
After a long, hard day at work (checking my personal e-mail, trading fantasy football players, and watching old Saturday Night Live skits on YouTube), I like to have a relaxing evening at home away from all of the stresses of my job (like my fantasy players being put on injured reserve). I like to sit […]
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Mr. Clean
If cleanliness is next to godliness, the Krider home is far from heaven
Sometimes I come home from work only to find that my wife is mad at me. No, I wasn’t out drinking with the boys, and I didn’t show up driving yet another rusty car. I just come home on a regular day at the regular time to find my wife regular mad at me. It […]
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I Google, therefore I spam
Krider is drowning in all the new technology
Because I was born with male reproductive parts, I have an uncontrollable attraction to gizmos and gadgets. I love any stupid thing that has a secret compartment or a carabiner hanging off of it for no good reason whatsoever. Part of the blame for this is James Bond. Every man wants to be like Bond, […]
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His cheating heart
Krider’s cell phone contact list tells his wife all
Last Sunday, I was living the dream. I was lying on my couch, lazily sliding in and out of consciousness. I was watching the NASCAR race, or I guess I should say listening to the NASCAR race since my eyes were shut. I don’t think I have ever watched a NASCAR race without falling asleep. […]
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Trick or treat?
The debate over Halloween costumes can be scary
Every Halloween there seems to be the “it” costume. For a long time, it was the black robe and menacing white face from the movie Scream. Recently, I have seen a lot of Hannah Montanas and Darth Vaders knocking at my door, begging for candy. I have also noticed that for the adult women set, […]
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The Ty-D-Bol Man on wheels
This motorhome has a defect: It came with a toilet
It’s all Michael Phelps’ fault. While watching hours and hours of the Olympics, waiting to see if he won 175 gold medals in one event, I was subjected to repeat commercials of RV sales and motorhome dealership closeouts. They said that there has never been a better time than right now to buy an RV. […]