This is the last time. I promise. It has to be. All of my readers who are sick-near-unto-death of me writing about A.B. 65 can be assured that I won’t be writing about it anymore after today. That’s because the state Assembly finally—finally!—agreed that everyone, whether married or single, deserves to be treated the same […]
Canary
Posted inOpinion
Life is passing us by
There’s this movie about all these animated cars that act like people—people with wheels, anyway—and how this quirky tribe of vehicle-men (and -women) lives on Route 66, watching their livelihoods slowly dry up for want of tourist dollars. Here’s the plot: The town operated for years as a waypoint for weary travelers, offering fuel, a […]
Posted inOpinion
Discounts? Count me in!
Here’s something I bet you didn’t know about me: I love discount shopping. I’m talking all kinds of discount shopping: garage sales, Black Friday sales, Christmas sales, Mother’s Day sales, Father Day’s sales, bar mitzvah sales … wait a second. I don’t think that last one is real, at least on a national scale. I […]
Posted inOpinion
Come back from recess!
While I loved school back when I was just a fledgling learning to spell and do math and recite historical dates, I really loved recess. The word itself still sends shivers of excitement down my hollow spine. To run! To play! To soar! Recess was practically magical, an oasis of free time amid hours of […]
Posted inOpinion
The bird that cried wolf
Wolves are scary. They’re big and mean looking, especially for land-dwelling creatures, like humans. Personally, I fly; so I’m not worried about them, but I am scared of hawks, so let’s go with that. Hawks fly through the air with their big, blood-thirsty talons, and their meat-pecking beaks, on the hunt for small, defenseless creatures […]
Posted inOpinion
The Canary dishes on Santa Barbara County Jail food complaints
There’s this old saying about variety being the spice of life, but I think maybe salt is. Sure, some people may argue that it’s cumin or saffron, but to me, salt has universal appeal. It makes everything better—in moderation, of course. Salt makes food more foody. There’s also this old saying about how if you […]
Posted inOpinion
Don’t breathe easy, California
E.B. White wrote, in Charlotte’s Web, that crickets chirped “Summer is dying, dying.” That’s one of the reasons I never invite any of those bugs to my parties. They’re so maudlin. That, and they tend to not use coasters. But here we are, post-heat-wave, post-fireworks. Sunburned skin has either deepened to a tan or is […]
Posted inOpinion
Don’t wait to be told to have compassion
There are certain buttons of mine that, when pushed, reliably (predictably?) produce a column. It’s probably due to the fact that my great-grandmother on my father’s side was a parrot. I have a bit of the squawk in me, in case you haven’t noticed, and it doesn’t take much to get me crying out: “Political […]
Posted inOpinion
Light up the night (but not anything else)
Fireworks and marijuana. They have more in common than you may think. You light one end and hope that what comes out the other will make for an entertaining evening. Also, they’re both illegal. Kind of. Actually, you’re allowed to fire one up, as long as it’s OK with local regulations. Lompoc should know. And […]
Posted inOpinion
Leeches and fleas and ticks–oh my!
Sure, vampires are sexy these days, but back in Bram Stoker’s era, they were less sparkly and more, well, greasy. Dracula, as he was first written, had a unibrow, a scraggly goatee, and hairy palms. He wasn’t the sort of undead guy who would wind up on a teen girl’s poster, is what I’m saying. […]
Posted inOpinion
Got any change?
Some famous person or other once said, “The more things change, the more they stay the same.” I don’t agree. I think the more things change, the more they change. That’s what change is: change. Right? In my experience, people don’t like change. They like stuff to stay the way it is, the way it […]
Posted inOpinion
Too fit to quit
Guess what? I’ve started a new health regimen! I know, I know, it sounds cliché, but staying healthy is important. What, may you ask, triggered this new health kick? No, it’s not a New Year’s resolution. Here’s how it went down: I was sitting on my couch the other night, chowing down on some buttered […]
