Canary

I heard a few weeks back about Santa Maria’s appearance on a list of the most violent cities in California, so I’m glad to see that the editors here at the Sun decided to explore that idea with a cover story. If you skipped right to my column—and I certainly wouldn’t blame you for doing […]

Dear readers, Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Feliz Navidad! Mele Kalikimaka! Happy Kwanza! And Happy New Year! Love, The Canary

When it comes to the holidays—or any day, for that matter—I’m sure most people would say I’m more of a Scrooge than a Santa Claus. But remember, even Scrooge had a change of heart, and so can I. So while I didn’t get a visit from canaries past or future, my little yellow heart is […]

Hello, faithful Sun readers! Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, and Merry (almost) Christmas! As is tradition, in honor of our annual Last-Minute Gift Guide issue, I’m going to write a little roundup on what our local leaders could use this holiday season. But before I do that, I’d like to talk about what’s been going on […]

I have stuff. I can’t deny it. I do like my suet and seeds, and I like to have the proper serving dishes and utensils. I also have a large flat-screen TV: a whopping 13 inches! It barely fits in my nest. But there’s stuff, and then there’s stuff. I can’t come down on holiday […]

I shudder every year when I see it on my calendar. Thanksgiving. The tail end of November marks a dark time for birds, which is why I always devote the column closest to the last Thursday of that month to denouncing the holiday that glorifies avian slaughter in the name of wholesome family bonding. It […]

Santa Barbara County Supervisor Peter Adam sure sounds like he’s itching for a split. I was prepping myself to write about the sure-Santa-Maria-Energy-can-move-its-oil-operations-forward-in-Santa-Barbara-County-but-only-with-its-hands-tied-behind-its-back vote debacle, when in flew an opinion piece from the mustachioed supervisor. He doesn’t come right out and drop the “s” word as a goal of his after the contentious showdown that […]

I don’t want to know how much it would cost to drain all the water out of a person. With the precious liquid sitting at such a premium in some municipalities these days, water-parched community services districts might be tempted to start eyeing their constituents as two-legged aquifers. Think of it as Soylent Clear. It’s […]

Break out the bran. Pour out some prune juice. Find some fiber. We’ve got major case of blockage here, and it’s going to take some serious effort to get it moving. Actually, truth be told, we’ve got a lot of blockages—not just one. I’m in a mood to get things flowing ever since I read […]

The other day, I heard one of my co-workers unsuccessfully trying to spend some cash. A lot of cash. She’s trying to buy a house on the Central Coast, and that’s apparently not an easy task. “I just want someone to take my money!” she shouted to the heavens. “Give me a house, and I’ll […]

Everything I wear has to go with yellow. I have a lot of black in my wardrobe, a lot of white, and a lot of warm colors: reds and oranges. Gray is in right now. I’ve got some bold purple pieces, too, for that striking, complementary-color look. If I’m feeling casual, I dress casual—though feathers […]

I just made it through several weeks of a U.S. federal government shutdown, and boy are my wings tired! No, seriously. They’re exhausted—but not from flying. I’ve been shrugging so much, I’ve got shoulder cramps on top of knotted muscles on top of shoulder cramps. People asked, “When do you think this whole shutdown thing […]