I shudder every year when I see it on my calendar.
Thanksgiving.
The tail end of November marks a dark time for birds, which is why I always devote the column closest to the last Thursday of that month to denouncing the holiday that glorifies avian slaughter in the name of wholesome family bonding.
It makes me sick. You make me sick. Because you’re sitting here, rolling your eyes or chuckling over this column, which you think is written by some person pretending to be a canary this week.
Well keep chuckling, pal, because I’m a real-life yellow bird, and I’ve been showing some of Alfred Hitchcock’s finest work to more than a few of my feathered friends. We’re thinking of reenacting some of the scariest scenes this Nov. 28, and we’re not talking about Psycho. No, not Vertigo either. And it’s not North by Northwest, but you’re getting—huh? No. No. It’s not Rear Window. Think more along the lines of—uh-uh. I’m not talking about Rope.
Perhaps you could—what?! Dial M for Murder? Nope. If you’d just give me a chance to—OK. Marnie? I’ve never even heard of that one. Let me Google that to see if that’s even one of his.
Oh. Yep. Marnie. Starring Sean Connery and—aha!—Tippi Hedren! Now what else was she in? I Heart Huckabees? No, I mean what else by Alfred Hitchcock was she in?
Oh, forget it.
The Canary is wearing black from now through the beginning of December. Send condolences to canary@santamariasun.com.
This article appears in Nov 27 – Dec 4, 2013.