My son races in the All-American Soap Box Derby. “The Derby,” as it is known, is a competitive event where kids drive down a steep hill in engineless cars they build at home. The only thing powering these little racecars is gravity. The kid who can drive the car the straightest and avoid aerodynamic drag […]
ROB KRIDER
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Summer heat
Krider flame broils his daughter’s birthday party
About seven minutes before her birthday, my daughter decided she had to have a barbecue-slumber-swim-movie-camping-birthday party. The extensive party style is standard for my daughter, who always wants everything to be epic, huge, and always about her. Since we are parents of the 21st century, and we only know how to raise our kids one […]
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Stank
It’s all over Krider like a meat dress
Over the years, my body has slowly begun to de-evolve. Physically, I am starting to go back to my caveman roots. My toenails are yellowing and are getting so hard that in order to trim them, I have to go out to the garage and grab a pair of tin snips. My eyebrows are so […]
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‘Window’ size may vary
If the stars aren’t aligned, it doesn’t matter if you’re ready
I was at work the other day, sitting at my work desk, breathing in the work air, and hanging out with my co-workers, which meant that I was not doing any work whatsoever. My co-workers and I get together and jibber-jabber for hours on end and act as if we are solving all of the […]
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Graduate and make up
Some rites of passage come in a nifty compact
My daughter is one of those girly girls. She loves things that are pink, and she rocks out to Lady Gaga. She has always been this way. If it had been up to her, she would have scheduled a makeover for when she popped out of the womb. Obviously, it wasn’t up to her, and […]
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The food inspector
Krider’s wife takes kitchens seriously–too seriously
My wife’s middle name is “ironic.” She earned that title by living a life littered with contradictions and complemented by a touch of hypocrisy. One example of her ironic lifestyle is the fact that she is a clean freak, while at the same time she is a complete and total slob. You wouldn’t know she […]
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Taking a Breakers
Who says malt liquor and running long distances don’t mix?
I like to go big … big time. I go big so much that I’m hoping my tombstone will say, “Krider—A man who always went big.” Whatever the occasion or event, I always want things to be grand, huge, and extravagant. I don’t play beer pong at the local bar, I go to the World […]
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The Walkabout
Who knew spending time together could be so pleasant?
My wife mentioned that we needed some exercise. Due to an ever-increasing waistline (mine, not hers—I will never discuss her waistline unless I’m trying to commit suicide by lecture), my wife decided that we should spend our evenings walking. I had once heard of this thing, walking. I remember it as a phase in my […]
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It’s X in the Box
And it’s sitting on the Periodic Table
My 14-year-old son, the one who knows everything (just ask him), brought home a school progress report. Based on the information in this progress report, apparently he doesn’t know everything. Actually, when it comes to science class, it seems he doesn’t know any-damn-thing. No matter how much he hopes it would, an “F” on a […]
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Urinal on wheels
Krider’s pit crew doesn’t mix well with his motorhome
Sometimes, when I really want something, I will foolishly try to convince my wife that she wants it more than I do. The theory here is that she will like the idea so much that we will actually go through with the crack-head plan, and in the end, I will get my way. I recently […]
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Karma–or was it carma?
Krider learns what happens when you take what you want
When I was a senior in high school, my parents had a very inviting little automobile that I wasn’t allowed to play with sitting in our driveway. It was a vintage British convertible sports car, an MGB, and nope, I was not supposed to drive it. I was told back then by my parents that […]
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I’m only trying to help
Krider throws out a chance for lovin’ with what he thinks is trash
The other day, I decided to be a nice guy and help my wife out by doing the dishes. It wasn’t Mother’s Day, my wife’s birthday, or anything like that. I just did it because I have a kind heart … and a fairly greedy libido. At my house, candy and flowers are always outshined […]
