ROB KRIDER

Everyone knows there are two specific things on this planet that men absolutely can’t avoid staring at. This neck-jerk reaction is buried deep in their DNA, and thus men should not be judged. They are wired to at least take a quick glance and see what they’re missing out on. It’s part of evolution. Even […]

To annoy my neighbors, I cruise around the ’burbs in a golf cart while blasting ska music and driving like a complete madman. Well, let’s be honest, how much of a madman can I really be at an electric motor top speed of 24 mph? As the self-proclaimed “best environmentalist” on my street, I cruise […]

I’m celebrating an anniversary. No, not my wedding anniversary; I can never remember when that is exactly. I’m celebrating “Man Overboard’s” 15th anniversary with the Sun. Yes, I was able to continually write this column while our Earth orbited the actual sun 15 different times, and somehow I wasn’t fired. There were 391 separate “Man […]

The concept was very simple, elementary, in fact. The basic plan was to train the dog to not crap inside the house. Unfortunately for me, the dog had other plans. It turns out that the dog’s plan was to crap in every single room in the house, twice a day.  Obviously, the dog and I […]

I’m proud to announce that I’ve been clean for 10 years now. Thank you, yes, it was a difficult accomplishment, one that I think deserves a toast with a cold alcoholic beverage.  You see, up until last weekend, my household has been animal free, which means I have been clean; clean from animal byproducts. That […]

I swear on everything that I love and care about in the world that I am not a crazy person. I make this proclamation of sanity because sometimes, in certain situations, I appear completely crazy to the general population. But I assure you, I have all of my mental faculties, and I know the difference […]

I have one rule I live by: I never do things twice. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, like I will drink more than one beer. And, yes, I will also do anything that I think is fun more than once, like watching the Star Wars trilogy for the 11th time (I only […]

My wife truly believes that during this very second there are countless nefarious villains lurking around our suburban home just waiting for the perfect opportunity to commit acts of savagery against her. Obviously, this is a completely ridiculous notion for a number of sane reasons, but sanity has nothing to do with my wife’s logic. […]

It’s true, I’ve been known to imbibe from time to time. Now, I don’t claim to be an Olympic-level drinker by any means. But I can handle an Irish Car Bomb, a shot of Tequila, and use a beer bong just as good as any college frat boy worth his weight in recycled beer bottles. […]

Here’s the deal: my wife won’t eat anything you cook. Nope. She won’t do it. It has absolutely nothing to do with being a vegetarian, a fear of GMOs, or only eating organic food. In actuality, my wife is a total foodie; she’ll eat just about anything—the more GMOs the better. Well, she’ll eat anything […]

The men’s restroom has rules. These are strict procedures not to be broken under any circumstances, even if there is a fire. There are certain things men do not do in the restroom, things like talk. Rule No. 1: There is no talking in the men’s room, even amongst friends, and certainly not with strangers. […]

I  haven’t been sleeping well lately. Lack of sleep makes me a cranky guy, and nobody wants to be around cranky guy. You see: Cranky guy is the kind of guy who has little temper tantrums about stuff he normally doesn’t really care about. “Why didn’t someone take out the trash last night?” “Why did […]