ROB KRIDER

Like most little boys, when I was a kid I knew that when I grew up I wanted to be either an astronaut or a race car driver. I’m assuming the large helmets for whatever reason had quite an impression on me. I wanted to grow up and be the guy standing around holding a […]

The day my son was born, fat and screaming as he was forced out of the safety of his mother’s body, I hoped one day he would grow up to be a football player. During the first year outside of his mother’s womb, he was on track for football since he was quite fat. He […]

I recently noticed something very interesting about my wife when the two of us are preparing to go out for a night on the town. While we are both in the bathroom brushing, combing, and plucking, my wife has an open beer sitting on the bathroom counter. Last weekend I asked her, “What are you […]

There is a secret about me that most people don’t know. It’s a bit shameful, so I don’t usually talk about it. I can’t … float. Yes, that is correct; I can’t lie on my back in the water and float. I don’t float, I only sink. You can tell me a thousand times to […]

Even though I went to college for more than 10 years, I’m actually not a doctor. And because I’m not a doctor, I really don’t understand medical terms like vasovagal syncope. But because I’m a 10-year-old boy at heart, when I read the word vasovagal I start to giggle inside, assuming it has something to […]

My wife treats our dog like it’s a human being, a short furry human being who speaks the King’s English. My wife has in-depth conversations with the dog, and I’ve even heard her ask the dog metaphorical questions. The dog, being a dog, of course, never responds to any of these inquiries. The dog simply […]

As much as two people from the opposite sex can get along, my wife and I get along pretty well. I take absolutely all of the credit for this. You see, I attribute our marital success to the fact that I simply just do what I’m told. By immediately doing whatever I’m asked, without argument, […]

Spring is here and summer is getting very close, which means prom season is definitely upon us. Yes, prom is actually a season. It’s a magical time when people who do hair, nails, and dress alterations make a truckload of money on high school girls who need to have everything just perfect for their special […]

I don’t know why I still play with cars. Car projects are oftentimes immensely frustrating. Bolts get stripped, knuckles get busted, and my wife hates it when I smell like grease. Grease stench means the grease monkey sleeps alone. The only reason I continue to keep thrashing on my own car and destroying my fingers […]

My first-born son has gone off to college to learn about the ways of the world, get an education, and accumulate student debt and parking tickets. That has left me at home with my wife, my daughter, and our ugly dog, Betty. Before my son left to go to college and before we rescued Betty, […]

I like to consider myself quite the gentleman adventurer. The name “gentleman adventurer” sounds like a very prestigious title; however it’s completely self-subscribed and thus has no real legitimacy. I’m a gentleman adventurer merely because I say that I am and because occasionally I do stupid stuff. Simple as that. Recently I decided to do […]

My wife and I have a few skeletons in our closet. Not in the theoretical sense, like we have some dark secrets, but more in the literal sense. The skeletons in our closet are old Halloween decorations from 1997. I haven’t seen these decorations since 1997, but I know they’re still in there because anything […]