ROB KRIDER

I‘m not allowed to be inside the confines of the kitchen area of my own house. Yes, the same house that I send most of my paycheck to the bank each month so we can live in. That is the house where I’m not allowed to walk through, or especially loiter in, the general kitchen […]

What is the definition of the word “difficult”? Difficult is a 14-year-old boy trying to stand still for five minutes. Not only is it quite difficult for any boy to accomplish, it could actually be the definition of the word “impossible.” Fourteen-year-old boys move around a lot. I know; I used to be one. I […]

There is a new phenomenon at my house. A new craze has taken over. All the women in my house—my wife, my daughter, and even our dog—began religiously watching a television show every Thursday night at 8 o’clock. It’s not a show like Game of Thrones with dragons, violence, and half-naked women, a show I […]

I  grew up with money. Now, when I say I grew up with money, I don’t mean I actually had money. As a kid, my family was solid lower middle class, complete with a broken-down Chevrolet on jack stands in the driveway. When I say grew up with money, I mean that if I was […]

Most people these days wake up every morning using an alarm on their iPhone. At my house we do it much more organically. Instead of an electrical device with an app, we just have a 20 pound dog. It is very green of us. The only setback with the dog is we don’t get to […]

I’ve never claimed to be a very fashionable person. I was never voted best dressed (and odds are I never will be). I don’t own a tuxedo. I’m essentially a very basic guy, and I wear basic stuff that is functional on my body. I literally have one outfit that I wear, and it’s far […]

For completely unknown reasons to me, my wife wants me to be healthy. I don’t understand why, I’m heavily insured. She would be quite wealthy if she just let me eat doughnuts and die an early death. But apparently she likes having me at the house, so she wants me to move my body around […]

As a married man I do everything in my power to strive for total wedded bliss because wedded misery is, well, it’s miserable. I don’t want to do misery. Instead, I prefer candy and harmony. Like the old saying goes, “Happy wife, happy life.” I look at it as, “Happy wife, race car.” In order […]

When my son was a little boy he was a very, very sweet child. He loved Thomas the Tank Engine train toys, and he spent hours and hours making sure Thomas and his friends took turns rolling along the tracks in harmony. There were no recklessly fast trains, and certainly no cars crashed into one […]

During this time of year my house contains a beautiful, tall, decorated Christmas tree. It has colorful lights, shiny ornaments, and like any good old American family in the 21st century, our tree is completely made of plastic. We didn’t always have a fake tree; back in the day I was more of a purist. […]

My wife loves bruschetta. I mean she really loves it. Like, if it came down to sex or bruschetta, well, I’d be a very lonely guy every time. The problem with bruschetta, besides its being more popular than sex with me, is that it goes on bread. It turns out bread has something inside it […]