Don’t go on Facebook. It’s bad for your health and your faith in humanity.
Unfortunately, I’m really bad at taking the advice I spew in this column weekly. I’m addicted. I just can’t help it! I want to see the drama. I need it!
The other day I was just scrolling on the Facespace. And scrolling. And scrolling. And scrolling. And I saw rainbows! Pride is here! Woot! And things are happening on the Central Coast y’all.
Vandenberg Air Force Base celebrated LGBT Pride Month this June. Nope! I didn’t stutter—the freakin’ Air Force is celebrating Pride! Not only that, but Vandenberg posted about it on Facebook, so, it’s, like, Facebook official! And underneath the image of beautifully tinted rainbow-colored dog tags were responses like Marcus Dupree’s “OH MY GOD … I’M SO PROUD OF VANDENBERG!!!”
Word, dude.
And then, of course, when you scroll and scroll, it’s inevitable that the comments devolve into the deplorable. People just can’t help themselves. They just have to poo poo.
There’s Carl James: “We’ll see how proud they are when standing before God on judgement [sic] day!” Carl, I wish you could have seen the way my eyes rolled into the back of my head as I read your comment. God would have been so proud at the way I judged you!
And, my personal and inevitable favorite—the white dude who complains that other people just want to be special. Steve Mohler: “I’ll wait for straight pride day. It’s gonna be a long wait.”
My wings started to itch. My feathers stretched toward the keyboard … and then Paul R. Breckon pulled through. “Every day is straight pride day,” Breckon wrote.
Oh snap! I knew this was going to be a juicy convo. My need for drama was about to be satiated. And I wasn’t disappointed! The inevitably pouty mouth of the typical Facebook rolly trolly said exactly what was expected of him.
“Not if you are an older, straight white male—it’s open season on us,” Mohler opined with what I can only imagine is the high whiney voice of a 2-year-old in the middle of a years-long temper tantrum.
Breckon, my main man, came through again! “I am an older, straight white male. We are in no danger of having anything taken away from us. No one is going to fire or evict us for being straight,” Breckon posted. “Even the term ‘straight’ evokes normalcy and correctness. … Gays get beaten and killed for who they are. Now, that’s open season.”
True. But things are changing for the better, and I can see it happening. Vandenberg hosting a celebration for Pride month is a good indication.
As Mohler pouts over his increasing irrelevance of standing out from the crowd because he’s an older white male, cities like Lompoc and Santa Maria are celebrating it. I can’t believe Santa Maria is only in its third year of celebrating pride, but thanks to the House of Pride and Equality (HOPE), it is. HOPE’s place is firmly at the top of giving the LGBTQ community a voice in Northern Santa Barbara County, and word is spreading.
This year, the city of Lompoc made its first proclamation recognizing June as LGBTQ Pride Month. It’s first! Wow, guys. Way to finally get with the program. Not only that, but a group of fine-minded folks formed the Lompoc Pride Alliance in 2018—and one of the founding members is a pastor!
Valley of the Flowers United Church of Christ pastor Jane Quandt watched a video made by a senior at Cabrillo High School describing what it was like to be LGBTQ in the city. It wasn’t good. So, Quandt decided that there was work to be done when it came to creating a safer and more welcoming community for the LGBTQ-identifying residents of the city. Take that Carl James! You supposed Christian, you. I think you forgot that God isn’t about judgment. God is about grace and love, especially sharing it with those who need it the most. And North County is finally getting on board that train.
Now all we need is a freakin’ gay bar in this county. WTF guys? Even Little Rock, Arkansas, has a few. We don’t even have one in the whole county. Santa Barbara, get your shit together; you’re disappointing all of the liberals!
The canary is looking for a gay bar within flying distance. Send comments to the canary@santamariasun.com.
This article appears in Jun 27 – Jul 4, 2019.