Gear Hub: Is an inexpensive survival kit worth the money?

You’re driving in the country after a daylong fishing trip when the unthinkable happens: Your car sputters out, you have no cell service, and it’s getting dark. It’s at least a two-day walk to civilization, and you haven’t seen another car or person all day. The fish weren’t biting, and you ate your lunch hours ago and have nothing except a half-full water bottle.

Then you remember the survival kit you bought online a few weeks ago and threw into the back of your car: 250 pieces, made in China, and purchased for $46.75 including tax. The question is simple: Does it contain what you need to survive until you walk out or are rescued?

Designed to attached to other MOLLE (modular lightweight load-carrying equipment) gear, the little black bag—measuring just 6-by-6.5-by-8 inches—seems impossibly small to contain much of any practical use.

You open it and immediately see a first aid kit. More on that later. You also see two packages of 100 Q-tips each. Sheesh! Is that 200 of the set’s 250 pieces?

As far as protection from the elements, there’s a very thin plastic poncho, a waterproof phone pouch, an emergency shelter consisting of silver plastic tube tent and some paracord and directions to string the cord between two trees to create an A-frame and use “rocks or gear to anchor the tent’s corners.” There’s also a silver emergency blanket.

It’s not glamping, but if you’re going to hike to safety, this stuff’s probably better than nothing. Most of it looks like it wouldn’t last a week outdoors.

There are two light devices: a flashlight and small camp light, neither of which had batteries. I needed four AAs.

There’s also a “Tactical Defense Pen” for “writing and self-defense.” I’m not sure it’ll fight off a bear, but the pen has ink, so you can write your “goodbye cruel world” note if you can find a scrap of paper.

Now on to the heavy stuff. The biggest item is a folding shovel and pick. Again, it’s better than digging with your hands, but compared to the World War II-era folding shovel I inherited from my dad, it doesn’t feel especially sturdy.

The next biggest item is a “Multitool Axe” that has a small axe head, a hammer head, a plier function, and a handle that houses five folding blades: a knife, Phillips screwdriver, wood saw, hex wrench, and file and fish descaler. Why will you need a hammer or a screwdriver?

There’s also a folding pocketknife that’s quite sharp, but the blade doesn’t lock in place, so one wrong move could slice your hand open. I mean, there is the first aid kit, but still, knife wounds should be avoided.

A little “Wire Saw” has a ring at each end. I tried to saw a small branch with it, and it didn’t go well. It hurt my fingers and was slow going. An 11-in-1 “Saber Card” offers more tools that probably aren’t needed in an emergency. A ruler? Why? In case you need to measure something under 2 inches long?

All told, among the various included multitools are a total of six separate bottle openers. Six! There’s even one on the shovel. Apparently, survival situations come stocked with cases of beer.

So, what about that first aid kit?

The little red pouch inexplicably contains about 20 safety pins. There are two small rolls of PBT bandage (polyester bandage with cotton thread), a tiny roll of medical tape, a small pair of scissors, 20 alcohol pads, 20 povidone-iodine prep pads, some plastic tweezers, a couple non-woven pads, and various bandages. Oh, and a length of rubber band to use as a tourniquet. If you get a minor cut or scrap, this will do. Anything more serious and the kit is essentially useless. There’s also a little cloth arm sling in another plastic bag.

My suggestion? Don’t get hurt.

You’ll also find 16-foot of parachute cord, a whistle—well, two, actually. There are a couple light sticks, three carabiners to attach stuff to whatever, some fishing essentials including a lure, a compass that didn’t work very well, and a “Paracord Survival Bracelet” with another tiny compass that did function. The bracelet also has a whistle and a fire starter, but like the bigger fire starter included in the kit, I couldn’t get it to spark effectively. There are four easy-to-light “Fire Starting Sticks,” but I would just bring a lighter.

So, will you survive?

There’s no food in the kit, and none of this stuff seems built to last, but in a pinch, it’s better than nothing. Buy one if you want, but in a real emergency, you’re going to wish you’d stowed a couple gallons of water, a three-day supply of ready-to-eat food, a sleeping bag, and a tarp.