Some people don’t have the skills and/or abilities to be parents. We see the evidence in our personal lives and the media. We think, “They should never have had kids.” Most have never known they had a choice. People are pressured by society, right person or not. So I introduce the term “childfree” and other samples of related lingo:
• Childfree: A person who has no doubt they will never have kids. Will not marry into a family or move into one with kids. They have not donated sperm, eggs, or genetic material for reproduction.
• Fencesitter: When you are undecided to have kids or not.
• Childless: You’re trying to have kids or want to have them later.
• Breeder: A bad parent.
• Baby Rabies: When all a person talks and thinks about is breeding.
• Baby Dance: When a person thinks sex is only for breeding.
• Diaperwhipped: Anyone who has become a total servant to their child.
• Entitlemoo: A parent who believes you should worship the ground they walk on since they had kids.
• Freaklitter: When someone has a huge number of kids at one time.
If a childfree person meets someone who wants kids, he or she moves on. This defines who you are and is not temporary. You are not truly childfree until you have been sterilized.
This is a very diverse community with samples in every race, religion, body shape, body size, and social class. The childfree range from unknowns to celebrities, both past and present.
The childfree call this Breeder Bingo. Here’s a small sample:
Them: You’re selfish!
You: So I’m selfish for not giving you what you want? Who’s really selfish here?
Them: You don’t want kids? What if your mother thought that way?
You: Then she would be talking here about childfree instead of me.
Them: Oh, you’ll change your mind.
You: Are you gay?
Them: No!
You: Well, you’ll change your mind.
Them: What if you find the right person?
You: The right person will only be childfree.
Them: What if everyone thought that way?
You: Nature doesn’t work that way. Nature would never allow us to be anything but a minority.
Them: You don’t know anything about raising kids until you have them.
You: I know all about raising brats; that’s why I don’t want any!
Them: Who will take care of you when you’re old?
You: My ultra-fat bank account, saving 250K per kid, average, over a lifetime. I’ll be living quite well, thanks.
Them: Kids make you more mature.
You: I’ve encountered a lot of people who have kids and are extremely immature, and I know you have, too.
Them: Kids bring great joy to marriage.
You: According to many studies, happiness in marriage takes a massive downslide after kids. Childfree couples have much happier lives.
Them: You’re supposed to have kids!
You: So, you would deny my freedom of choice. Are you a fascist? Read the constitution sometime.
Many people choose this lifestyle. There’s no guarantee that the following stars are childfree, but they fit the profile:
Although TV host Jay Leno and his wife Mavis Nicholson Leno have been married since 1980, they have never had children. Leno has, however, written children’s books. Rather than children, his true love is cars.
Eva Mendes has said, “Children and marriage is just something that hasn’t interested me.”
George Clooney said, “I can always call Brad and Angie and ask them to stay with me, just to remind me why I’m so happy without.”
Margaret Cho: “When I see children, I feel nothing. I have no maternal instinct. I am barren. I ovulate sand. … I look at children and feel no pull toward them, no desire whatsoever.”
As a teenager, kids had zero appeal to me. They were annoying and noisy. Being ADHD, in order to be functional, I needed long hours in a very quiet environment. Now, in my 40s, nothing has changed. I made a vow that I would never get involved in a sexual relationship until I had a vasectomy. I’ve kept that vow. Meeting any woman who wants kids makes me think, “Gross! Get away from me!” She must be childfree sterilized.
“Oopsing” is about sleazy women who go off birth control without telling the men. Other sickos will sabotage the condom. As men, we need to protect ourselves from these predatory women. The upgraded no-scalpel vasectomy is a proven method. There is far less discomfort and pain. For the childfree, permanent sterilization is a huge burden lifted.
To be truly childfree, you must be permanently sterilized. It’s a matter of committing to a childfree life. We are all unsure as to where the road will take us. It’s OK to hate kids. It’s OK to have no interest in kids. It’s OK to like kids, but not want any of your own. You are normal and not alone. Childfree and proud!
Greg Koby is a Santa Maria-based freelance writer and creative, progressive activist philosopher looking for a low-income house in a very quiet rap-free area (Orcutt). He’s looking to write a book about being childfree. Send comments to the executive editor at rmiller@santamariasun.com.
This article appears in Sep 20-27, 2012.