I don’t skateboard. I really can’t. My scrawny stick-man legs can’t reach the ground for my talons to do the step-and-push work needed to move it. In order for the wheels to actually move, someone would have to push me, gently mind you, because I get a little freaked out if I go too fast on land.
I prefer to fly like wind, not roll without control. I might hit a dumpster or something. The skateboard would go under, and I would be stuck like glue to the sticky, smelly outside of a big blue metal box.
Imagining what it would be like to ride one at 30 miles an hour down Gibraltar Road makes me molt. Whew! But, like I said, it’s not my thing.
On July 7, skateboards were on the Santa Barbara County Board of Supervisors Agenda. Skateboards! Not something boring like land-use restrictions, greenhouse gas emissions, or financial roll-your-eyes mumbo gumbo (yes, gumbo, it’s so much tastier than jumbo).
It was one of the 52 items on the agenda—52! Only eight of those were set for a hearing, so I thought, “ooh, maybe they’ll get to the skateboard thingy before it gets dark.” The non-hearing consent agenda items took almost three hours to get through. Fourth District Supervisor Peter Adam pulled a few items from the consent agenda. Apparently, public discussion was required.
One of the items Adam strongly felt needed some public airing concerned Public Transportation Modernization, Improvement, and Service Enhancement Account Certifications and Insurances. Are you cross-eyed yet?
What was so important about it?
Adam told the transportation folks they made an error.
They used the wrong spelling of a name in a document, referring to “Ferini Park” in Los Alamos. Adam said it’s “Ferrini”—with a double r, not a single one. He just wanted to let them know.
Super important. Be embarrassed public transportation employees. I imagined them thinking “What? Oh no, he didn’t just say that!” Oh yes he did!
“Is that it?” Second District Supervisor Janet Wolf asked, a little incredulously.
Adam smiled under that famous moustache of his. The Ferini’s with one r are from Santa Maria, not Los Alamos. Everybody knows that. Come on people! At that point, I imagined Adam thinking “Na, na, na, na, na!” in a sing-songy deep voice.
Well, everyone, if we want to get specific about it, the park in Los Alamos is actually called Arthur Ferrini Park. I say if you’re going to nitpick in the public purview, wasting another five minutes of my precious time before deadline, pick that scab all the way!
Couldn’t Adam have said that in an email?
Anyway, back to skateboards. There have been some bad accidents as of late on steep roads above Santa Barbara, the kind where skateboarders and cars collide. Skateboard loses, every time, without a doubt. So, the California Highway Patrol proposed a skateboarding ban on some steep roads—San Marcos, Painted Cave, and Gibraltar roads were named. The original request letter was sent to 3rd District Supervisor Doreen Farr in November 2014. It’s now July. Bureaucracy works quickly, doesn’t it? Only seven months for the item to make the supes’ agenda.
But, it’s currently 2 p.m. on July 7, and the supes took an hour for “lunch”—discussing litigation against the county, essentially—and all I hear is classical music pumping out of the county’s crappy video player, Granicus. So I’m not sure that I’ll get to report out to you my feelings on the board’s decision before press time. Lame.
Now, though, I get to talk at you about the ATM guy named in a recent (the fifth) lawsuit against Plains All American. Joseph Viens is ticked that he can’t even check on his ATMs at Refugio State Beach because the park’s still closed after the May oil spill. He can’t make money off those ATMs for the duration of the closure.
The sea cucumber fisherman and buyer also named as plaintiffs in the lawsuit can’t make money either, because potential customers are wondering if Santa Barbara Channel sea cucumbers—which are apparently coveted and expensive—are safe to eat.
Even though the fisheries are now open, there was a period of time where they weren’t, so Community Seafood also joined the lawsuit. But who knew an ATM guy could get in on the deal?
Keller Rohrback LLP and Lieff Cabraser Heimann & Bernstein LLP filed the lawsuit. The firms also represented those affected by the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill, according to BusinessWire, which essentially is advertising the lawsuit to new potential plaintiffs.
The site should have just said: “Come one, come all. Hop on board the lawsuit train. Let’s get that money from Plains!”
Keller Rohrback represented fishermen, landowners, and businesses located in Prince William Sound in the suit against Exxon. A federal jury awarded a $5-billion judgment in favor of the plaintiffs. I wonder how much of that landed in Keller Rohrback’s hands. A hefty chunk I’d imagine.
I guess that’s beside the point. Exxon needed to pay up, and Plains should have to pay up, too. That company just keeps on chugging along, one accident after the next. Fouling environments across the nation, one pipeline rupture at a time. Disrupting other businesses, an oil spill here and another there.
A lovely letter from a longtime reader, longtime accuser of the Sun’s terribly liberal attitude (we’ll call him or her the he-or-she-that-shan’t-be-named), “called out” the Sun for being obviously biased against Plains in a June 25 cover story “Lasting impression.” Well, Plains’ track record certainly made it seem that way because of the 8,000 serious pipeline breaks since 1986 and all. Or could it be the $7 billion the company’s paid out in property damages due to pipeline ruptures. Or maybe it’s the 2,300 injuries.
Facts is facts.
We can’t change them.
Sue that company.
Sue Plains so it stops being stupid. Sue so it’ll better maintain those pipelines carrying oil we use in almost every aspect of our daily lives.
We’re not anti-oil. We’re anti-bad business practices.
If Plains did a good job of maintaining its pipelines, the Sun wouldn’t have had to write a story about how Plains All American Pipeline’s Line 901 rusted so badly it broke, spilling oil onto Refugio State Beach and into the Santa Barbara Channel. And there wouldn’t be fishermen and ATM guys lining up to sue because of it.
I say, get in while the getting’s good.
The Canary almost wishes she got a little bit of oil spill gunk on her wings. Send comments to canary@santamariasun.com.
This article appears in Jul 9-16, 2015.
