In response to Mr. Donegan’s call for the commencement of divorce proceedings by competing factions of the Democratic Party (“Democratic divorce,” Nov. 27)—enough with divisiveness and drama. Herewith, a proposal for a party to unify us: the Boring Party.
Slogan: Moderation, and not too much of that
Headquarters: Lake Woebegone, Minnesota (honorary); Bland, Missouri
Mascot: A dripping wet blanket
Platform: Change nothing—the status quo was alright then, so it’s just fine now
Foreign policy: Be nice
Treasury: Pay on time; always put something in savings
Education: Sit up straight; don’t run in the halls
Health: Wash your hands
Labor: Whistle while you work
Defense: More UFO shows
Agriculture: Let’s grow more flowers
Commerce: Support for mom and pops
HUD: Suburbs have lots of room to build
Homeland Security: Lock the door, turn on the porch light
Transportation: Slow down
Candidates will have no problem aligning with these goals. Let’s unite around concepts we already agree on.
Jon Bartel
Cambria
This article appears in Dec 4 – Dec 11, 2025.