Hey all you cool kids and kiddos out there. You better watch out. The city of Santa Maria is out to get you. If you smell funny (Is that reefer?), are making out in public (Get a room!), or using vulgar language (I do declare!) in a public park—you could hear from the city’s park rangers.
It sounds like the city rounded up a bunch of grandmas to write an ordinance that’s basically designed to target unruly teenagers and homeless individuals who destroy the sanctity of how a certain subset of the city’s population wants to spend their day in a public space that’s supposed to be open to the public at large.
No one should have to be exposed to the members of the public they don’t want to be exposed to while lounging outside in a public space!
City Recreation and Parks Director Alex Posada spoke to the Santa Maria City Council about the ordinance on May 19, saying the rules govern “violations of personal conduct that don’t quite reach the level of breaking the law, but are either offensive or somehow deemed inappropriate in a community setting.”
Well, looky here, you conservative-leaning town you, it sure sounds like there are a bunch of snowflakes advocating against what they deem to be “offensive” conduct. Apparently, it’s the community’s civil right not to have to deal with everyone in the community’s reality in a public space? I guess public space only means “public” for some people? Because it’s now illegal to prick the tender tendrils of some people’s olfactory sensitivities.
But don’t worry, it’s not like park rangers are going to run around sniffing people, Posada said. Umm, question! How do you define an offensive smell? Some folks don’t care for perfume. Well, now they can call it in and the rangers will come running!
Another question! What constitutes “abuse of park, plaza, or facility grounds”?
Funny, we couldn’t ask any follow-up questions of City Council members after they voted to pass the ordinance, because none of them responded to us. Hey, Santa Maria elected officials, what’s up with you not talking to the press?
Guess what, everyone? When elected officials don’t call the press back, journalists have to make do with the people who do call back. If you want your side of the story in the article, then return those phone calls! You pansies.
I’m talking to Councilmembers Mike Cordero, Etta Waterfield, and Michael Moats. Councilmember Gloria Soto might be the only one who returns our requests for comment regularly—in case you were wondering why she’s almost always quoted in our stories.
Just to add to this impromptu media-literacy lesson: For those of you who don’t understand what an opinion column is—this is an opinion column. It’s full of the writer’s opinions. Articles contain facts and conversations with individuals. The opinions contained in articles are those of the people who were interviewed for the article, not the writer.
If this isn’t clear to you, might I suggest taking a break from your Facebook page and lifting your head above the clouds of your biased world to peer into the bleakness of reality. Maybe you could learn a thing or two.
The canary is sick of opinions based on imagined reality. Send comments to canary@santamariasun.com.
This article appears in Jun 11-18, 2020.