Stay-in-cage orders have me on a lockdown. I’m just swinging instead of singing, staring longingly out the rain-battered windows, looking for a sign of light and thinking about throwing my phone into the weather.
I need a pick-me-up. A giant wall of fat, wiggly worms that I can eat my way through before flying out the door on my own two wings to tell the world that the caged bird most definitely doesn’t sing. Well, as long as my fluffy feathers can still carry the weight of slightly more rotund being.
I’ve neglected to move enough to keep up with my food intake. But what can I say? I don’t have any projects today. I’ve got a fresh layer of Sun newsprint down at my feet and the bars are shiny and ship-shape—unlike a bucket of Walmart’s expired meat.
I finally caved to the exotic vagaries of the crude Tiger King. There’s too much not to do, so it’s hard to look away.
What I can say is great is the fact that there are dogs in Maryland who will deliver wine and groceries to your front stoop. And local farmstands like Dare 2 Dream in Lompoc will sell you eggs from chickens that can no longer fly the coop.
Also, there are still more toilet paper jokes than you can flush a wet wipe at—even though you probably shouldn’t because it’ll increase your problems stat. We don’t need a sewer disaster on top of this pandemic, just because your roommate wouldn’t let you know where the TP sat. Plus, if you look on the internet you’ll probably still find a good meme for that.
Those will put a smile on your face and make your eyes roll into outer space, but at least we can still laugh even if it’s at a 6-foot pace. The good news, I guess, is that they say this is working. All of this distance between us could help us eventually keep things from twerking.
Santa Barbara County Public Health Director Van Do-Reynoso seems to think that our measures are definitely in sync. At 50 percent of county residents doing just what the doctor ordered, this thing could last through October or November, so get ready to be even more of a hoarder.
But really, who knows when COVID-19 cases will peak. It could be next month or next week. We don’t really know enough about the virus to understand how long to wait before tempting our fate.
At least we have some county Board of Supervisors members who are thinking about how exactly we can get through this on more than wings and a prayer. Das Williams (2nd District) and Peter Adam (4th District) are concerned that the economy isn’t up for taking on a prolonged return.
I have to agree, hopefully without twittering up the wrong tree, that our businesses are hurting and need more relief. Just like our tired and poor who have less to hang their hat on than ever before.
When I look to the horizon, it keeps moving farther out of the way. I’m hoping the summer heat will chase away more than the need for unemployment pay.
The canary is a rhyming fool. Send comments to canary@santamariasun.com.
This article appears in Apr 9-16, 2020.
