Similar to many new parents, Samantha Curtis isn’t really sure what she’s doing.
It’s a general uncertainty that presents itself in new forms nearly every day: When she’s dressing her 6-month-old baby, she wonders whether shoes are comfortable and if they’re safe. When she’s feeding him, she wonders when solids should be introduced. When her baby’s first tooth came in, she wondered if that was normal and whether he should be taken to see a dentist.
Curtis often reaches out to her friends for answers, like on one recent sunny day when she decided to take her baby to the beach. She plopped him on the ground next to her, and he immediately picked up a fistful of sand and put it right into his mouth.
She whipped out her phone and texted her friends to ask how much sand is too much for one baby to eat. Her friends without kids sent back panicked responses. They seemed to think it was dangerous for a baby to consume any sand at all.
“And then my friends who are parents were like, ‘The limit does not exist!’” Curtis said, laughing.
Most of the sand ended up falling out of her baby’s open mouth anyway, she said. Fortunately, he’s still alive.
That incident, and a number of others, made Curtis wish she had a space to unload the everyday confusion and constant whirlwind of emotions that come with being a new mom. She looked for support groups and other resources in the Santa Maria area just before she gave birth in 2018, but didn’t find many. While there are support services for parents in the Santa Maria Valley, residents say they can be difficult to find.
Though Curtis works in Santa Maria and plans to move to town soon, she currently lives in Oceano. Between the two counties, Curtis said she’s noticed that San Luis Obispo seems to have more resources for new and expecting parents, even though Santa Barbara County has a significantly larger population.
Now she’s launching her own Santa Maria-based group for moms—Pathways Connect Santa Maria Valley—and she’s branding it as a judgment- and fluff-free zone for moms who just want to carve out some time each month to talk with other moms.
“I’m starting to realize that moms need moms,” Curtis told the Sun. “And they need to hear from someone else that they’re not crazy.”
The group will meet once a month—its first-ever meeting is scheduled for March 30—and once every other month for birth story sharing events.
Each regular meeting will be a little different, and Curtis said she hopes most will be discussion oriented. She’s not looking to lecture anyone on how they should take care of their kids, and she doesn’t want to be lectured either.
The group discussions will hinge on issues of Pathways To Family Wellness magazine, which publishes research and evidence-based articles on parenting and child care. Curtis said attendees will talk over information provided in the magazine, then move on to whatever topics they choose.
Anyone is welcome, including kids, as are all topics. Curtis said she just wants to reassure parents that whatever they’re going through, and however difficult it seems, it’s normal.
“[Parenting is] different for everyone,” Curtis said. “I just really want everyone to understand that they’re not alone, and I think we do that by giving people a network of support.”
That’s partially why Santa Maria resident Jackie Jimenez is working to become a certified doula.
While there are a number of classes and support groups for new and expecting parents living in the Santa Maria area, including a “mommy meet up” that Marian Regional Medical Center hosts on the second Thursday of every month, Jimenez said many people don’t know where to find those services. Doulas help with that, Jimenez said, and have the network to connect new and expecting parents with whatever services, resources, and doctors they may need.
When Jimenez had her first child nearly eight years ago, she was young and new to the area. She didn’t really know anyone or anything about what was available in Santa Maria, and said she relied heavily on Google when it came time to choose a doctor and other maternity services.
“I was pretty much in the dark,” Jimenez said. “I think a lot of new moms are.”
Then when Jimenez was in labor, there was a high turnover among the hospital’s nursing staff. She went through three nurses throughout her child’s birth, and wished that someone would have stayed with her the whole time for consistent support.
Later she found out that’s what doulas do, and she knew then that she wanted to become one. Jimenez is about halfway through the certification process, and said she’s looking forward to helping women in the Santa Maria area.
Support is really what it’s all about for Tracy Murdock, an Orcutt resident and mother of three who will be speaking at the first Pathways Connect Santa Maria Valley meeting on March 30.
Murdock, who writes a parenting blog and children’s books, said that while she’s visited several support groups for moms over the years, it’s always great to have more in the area.
As a mother of twins, Murdock said she knows how stressful and emotional being a new parent can be. It’s important, she said, for people to find safe spaces where they can hash things out and be reassured that what they’re going through is OK.
“It’s always good for us to have a connection to other moms; otherwise, it can feel isolating,” Murdock said. “It’s not about judging each other, it’s about uplifting each other on this journey.”
Staff Writer Kasey Bubnash can be reached at kbubnash@santamariasun.com.
This article appears in Mar 28 – Apr 4, 2019.
