Weddings are arguably one of the most celebrated events of our lives. But they are also the most ceremonial. The way a couple takes their vows has evolved through the years. While some traditions are fairly new in the span of history, other traditions have withstood time.
One of the oldest wedding traditions is called handfasting. This is literally where the term “tying the knot” came from. It’s a tradition in which the couple holds hands and using cords or decorative fabric their hands our “bound” together in matrimony. In Scotland this material is a tartan representing one’s clan. Others use cords or material that have specific meaning to them.
That’s the case for Amanda Chojnacky and her fiancé, Matt Ankner, of Orcutt. The couple were planning their upcoming wedding when they came across the tradition and decided it was the perfect way to express their love. Chojnacky, who is of Polish and Irish ancestry (Ankner is of German background), said it wasn’t necessarily the culture that was the reason for incorporating the tradition.
“We’re not religious at all but most of the time at the base of a wedding is religion. We aren’t religious. But we still wanted to be married,” Chojnacky said.
So she did some Internet research and found handfasting and was fascinated because it’s a tradition that dates back centuries.
“I think it’s so neat that it’s so old. And literally handfasting is to bind your hands together of your own free will,” she said.
It also appealed to the couple because a lot of marriages have been and remain forced or arranged. This pays homage to not being forced into marriage, but declaring their union out of love.
Though most of her loved ones liked the idea, not everyone embraced handfasting as quickly as Chojnacky and Ankner, she admitted. She said some friends and family viewed it negatively thinking it’s wiccan, pagan, or associated with witchcraft.
“But for us, it has nothing to do with that. It’s romantic, it’s personal, and everything about it is symbolic,” she said.
Chojnacky is making her own cords in gray, blue, gold, pink, and white for the ceremony. She said each color has meaning to them. Gray, she explained invokes the thought of clouds and the ability of their marriage to weather the storms of life. White is symbolic of moving forward together with a clean new beginning, she said. The blue represents the ocean, which they both love and the peace, ebb, and flow of life and believing in one another as they go through life’s ups and downs. Gold represents wisdom for the couple so that they may grow with age and wisdom. And pink is the symbol of love and knowing that by loving themselves they can love one another, she said.
The ceremony will take place in Tiber Canyon Ranch in Edna Valley surrounded by ribbons, dream catchers, lace, and paper flowers everywhere, the last two items a nod to her admiration of singer Stevie Nicks.
“Between the oak trees, eucalyptus, and manzanita, you don’t have to do a lot of decorating. It’s enchanting and amazing,” Chojnacky said.
Islamic weddings are austere with lavish celebration
The simple ceremony of an Islamic wedding requires no more than four people, the bride, groom, and two witnesses, explained Central Coast Islamic Center of Santa Maria Imam Mohammed Mohabbat. He explained that the couple comes together to pledge their commitment to God, performing a holy covenant called the nikah.
“They know the commitment they are making; they’re not just words, the covenant they make,” Mohabbat said. “Nikah also means a knot that is tied so close that you can’t pry it open, not with your teeth or fingers, it’s so strong.”
The inspired ceremony doesn’t require an imam and doesn’t have to take place at a mosque either, Mohabbat explained over the sound of his backyard’s babbling, manufactured creek and multiple fountains, where he’s performed a number of nikah ceremonies. Beautiful settings like his yard or any other special location nearby—like the beach or a local landmark—are appropriate for the ceremony.
But, an imam such as Mohabbat is often called on for help and guidance in performing the nikah, he explained, as it involves specific traditional language, including readings from the Quran, and an explanation of the duties expected of the bride and groom.
“In Islam, the marriage is a commitment between those two people with the witnesses present, but those two people have the freedom to marry each other, without any authority,” he said. “But sometimes, and the people are young, and don’t know how to do it all, that’s when the imam steps in. Not because he is an authority, but because he has the knowledge and experience about how they should take their vows and know their responsibilities.”
This ceremony is one of the common threads that run through many sects of Islam, Mohabbat explained, though it can differ among cultures. In some places, very few are invited to the nikah ceremony, and the jubilant celebration begins later that day, as the evening begins, when friends and families come together to celebrate with the couple, sometimes until the sun comes up. Some welcome a large party to the nikah and begin the party afterwards. Each culture also varies in the kind of celebratory dress, music, dance, and food at the events.
The traditions passed down through Mohabbat’s family from Afghanistan include engagement parties, and a special “henna night” celebration for the bride and groom, where the women from their families apply the elaborate tattoos and celebrate. Mohabbat—also a photographer by trade—shared images from his son’s henna party in 2005 for this story, and explained that traditions in Afghanistan include a green or red dress for the bride during these ceremonies. But the garb and celebration can change depending on the culture and orthodoxy of the families.
Like the nikah, common threads run across many traditions of the celebrations that follow the holy ceremony, Mohabbat said.
“In Afghanistan, Iran, Pakistan, or India—wherever it is—it’s usually an all night ceremony where people dance and enjoy things,” he said. “It could be several nights, it could be just one, and everybody goes into the wee hours, depending on how much stamina they have.”
The parties always involve certain lavish foods, Mohabbat explained, including special dishes from many cultures. Some modern practices, like a bridal procession with the family or solo, are acceptable at these parties as well.
But the ceremony itself usually remains much more private and reserved than the joyous celebrations that follow, because of the deeply personal commitment that is made, Mohabbat said. The couple declares certain duties to each other, he explained, including the mothering and ordering of family and home for the bride, and providing for and protecting the family for the groom.
“In Islam, we are all considered brothers and sisters because we all descend from one pair, Adam and Eve, may peace be upon them,” Mohabbat said. “The only thing that breaks the brother and sister relationship with someone not related by blood is through marriage.”
The pairing is the foundation of a family, Mohabbat said, because it identifies and sanctifies the bride as a woman who will become a mother.
The mother enjoys a particular place of veneration in Islam, Mohabbat said, and is the inspiration for a number of traditions within the wide variety of married Muslims across the globe.
“It is said in Islam, that heaven is at the feet of the mother,” he said. “If you want to go to heaven, you must really respect and honor her, and really hold her there. It is said that heaven is not on her shoulder, or in her hands, but at her feet.”
An old religion with rich tradition
Judaism is one of the oldest religions in Western culture, and it boasts some of the richest wedding traditions. Central Coast-based Rabbi Jayne Simon has been officiating weddings for 23 years.
In that time, Simon said she has seen Jewish wedding traditions evolve to equalize genders, include same-sex couples, and welcome other faiths.
“It’s been amazing to me in these weddings to see what we bring in or alter, but nothing seems to get thrown away,” she said. “I think the tradition really is the thing that binds us. Having traditions in your wedding is just another wonderful penny in your shoe.”
Judaism comprises three main branches: Conservative, Reform, and Orthodox. Wedding traditions vary between the denominations—at Orthodox ceremonies, for example, Simon suggests guests “pack a lunch and bring your most comfortable shoes” because they are so long—but the following are a few traditions that remain consistent among the branches:
Bridal canopy
The bride and groom stand beneath a bridal canopy, called a chuppah, during the ceremony. A chuppah is constructed from four poles—each traditionally held by a member of the bridal party—and a cloth canopy, often made from fabric that belonged to a family member of the bride or groom, such as a grandmother’s tablecloth.
Encircling the groom
Traditionally, the bride will walk in seven circles around the groom at the beginning of the ceremony. Simon said this tradition has seen some tweaks over time to put the bride and groom on the same plane.
“The women are saying they’ll go around the groom three times and he’ll go around her three times, and then they’ll take the seventh one and go around the chuppah,” Simon said. “I’ve found that interesting in the last few years.”
Seven blessings
The couple receives seven blessing from either the rabbi or select guests, and Simon said this tradition has stayed strong through time, the only notable change being that some couples translate the blessings from Hebrew to English.
“Those are traditions that have stayed tried and true,” Simon said. “You can tweak them, but those have not gone away, and I see no sign of those going away.”
Breaking the glass
At the end of the ceremony, the groom traditionally crushes a cloth-wrapped glass with his right foot. Simon says this has changed with time to include the bride so that they both step on their own glasses at the same time.
Sun contributor Ariel Waterman’s wedding was officiated by Simon, and the ceremony was interfaith, since Waterman comes from a Christian background and her husband, Ian, is Jewish.
Waterman said people have several theories about the origin of breaking a glass at a Jewish wedding.
“The different reasons are that it’s symbolic of the destruction of the temple of Jerusalem and how the temple came back,” she said. “Or that the couple will have a life of sorrow and pain as well as joy, so that’s their marriage: Standing under the chuppah is the apex of their happiness and joy, but when they break the glass it reminds them that they’ll go through hard times, too.”
Yichud
Yichud refers to the Jewish tradition of leaving the bride and groom alone together for a few minutes after the ceremony to reflect on the commitment they just made. Waterman said this was her favorite part of the wedding.
“You have all this going on, and then you have that moment of peace,” she said. “Everything else is behind you, all that noise and everything, and you have that little moment to recognize that everything you face together from now on, you’re going to face together.”
Simon, who works with hospice patients during the week, said she loves officiating weddings because the traditions help pick up her mood.
“To see that freshness and that newness and that wide-eyed wonder of wanting this in your life and embracing it,” she said. “Who doesn’t want to sit around that all day?”
In fact, no matter how many weddings she witnesses, Simon said the ceremonies never get old.
“It’s pretty awesome,” she said. “I could do 10 a day and still get excited for each one.”
Staff Writer Brenna Swanston, Arts Editor Joe Payne, and Editor Shelly Cone contributed to this story. Send comments to scone@santamariasun.com.
This article appears in Feb 18-25, 2016.
