At this point, I feel compelled to write Jay-Z and tell him that I, the Benchwarmer—briefly out of writing retirement—have written a football-scandal inspired remix to his 1994 song “99 Problems.” The new version might go something like this:
“If you havin’ football problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems and the NFL is one. I got the law patrol on the Patriots’ smalls balls, foos that wanna make sure the case is closed. Got players that worship money, violence, and hoes—I have a brain stupid what types of athletes are those?”
While the NFL may not have 99 problems, they have 32 teams and 32 big problems. Undoubtedly the biggest professional sports organization, the NFL has had a less than stellar year this 2014-2015 season, only making the issues with their policies, players, and problem solving more apparent. I wouldn’t even go so far as to say these are new issues, but we Americans have a fondness for displaying righteous indignation over things that were right under our noses the entire time.
But what really strikes me about all of this is the fact that I sit here and struggle to decide which issue to write about, there are so many to choose from. Like the growing incompetence of referees and the complexity of the rule book. This past season, the referees on the field looked more confused than Miley Cyrus would in a library. “What do I do with this book? So many words …”
Then, there is the more recent New England Patriots “Deflate Gate” scandal.
I have one question sports fans: Were you really that surprised?
I’ll be straight from the start when I say that I do not like the Patriots. To me they are the New York Yankees of football: too much money, nowhere near enough humility or class. I loathe them so much, it’s hard for me to even acknowledge that Baby Brady is a talented quarterback.
Sending shockwaves through oblivious football fans and the NFL corporation at large, it was discovered (after a crushing 45-7 victory over the Indianapolis Colts in the playoffs) that the Pats had intentionally deflated 11 of the 12 balls to be used in the game; reports said the balls were underinflated by 2.5 pounds per square inch. Though it isn’t clear what kind of advantage deflating the balls gave the Pats, one might suspect a deflated ball might have been easier to throw and catch in frigid temperatures, giving the passer a competitive advantage.
But the cherry on top of this scandalous cake was the reactions from coach Bill Belichick and Brady. Like other members of the media, I LOVE to see Belichick get in trouble. Essentially an antagonistic and arrogant prick of a coach, Belichick professes he had no knowledge of underinflated balls. Then there was Brady, who seemed almost amused at the 30-minute press conference, who proclaimed that he “didn’t alter the ball in any way and had no knowledge of wrongdoing.” I do not buy those generic and self-serving explanations for one minute. If you would like to witness the absolute ridiculousness of the Belichick and Brady press conference, the Saturday Night Live version captures it perfectly.
Yet the cluster f***k of the Deflate Gate scandal ensues. Just more recently, it was discovered that a Patriots locker room attendant is responsible for handling the balls prior to game time. Now, call me a conspiracy theorist, but I would wager that the locker room attendant received orders from somewhere. And no matter where in the Patriots organization the order came from, all of them are cheaters—from Belichick to Brady to their old, indignant, more money-than-sense owner Robert Kraft. Kraft, either too senile or delusional, had the nerve to demand an apology from the NFL to Brady and Belichick for mistreatment (in a press conference, no less). Good sir, you can stuff that desire for an apology where the sun doesn’t shine.
Now, I know that we in America also take our right to a fair trial, sufficient evidence, and all that very seriously. But I am going to give you my verdict straight up: The Patriots cheated—they cheated, they cheated, they cheated.
And prosper from cheating Belichick has—numerous times. One of the sneakiest and most conniving coaches in professional football, Belichick and the Patriots were found guilty of spying and stealing signals from the New York Jets in 2007. Belichick ate a $500,000 fine (probably one week’s worth of pay for him) and the Pats lost a first-round draft pick. With the Deflate Gate scandal, the Pats stand to suffer another fine (which makes NO dent in their bottom line) and lose another first-round draft pick. And at the end of the day, they got to play in the Super Bowl; I find it ironic that two of the biggest cheating coaches, Pete Carroll (who violated recruiting rules at USC) and Belichick, faced off against one another.
Going into Super Bowl weekend, I thought: “May the best cheating S.O.B. win.” You know, my mom used to tell me: “cheaters never prosper.” I feel like that adage should be changed to “cheaters never prosper, unless it’s in the NFL.”
The bottom line for me is that I consider this cheating scandal the final piece of proof that the NFL, its upper echelon employees, and its policies, do not operate in the real world. Here in the real world, we non-billionaire humans can be failed out of classes, kicked out of college, or lose athletic scholarships for ANY form of cheating. Out here in the real world, where our morals are still somewhat intact, cheating is not a means to an end (like it is for the Patriots), it is the end for those cheaters. But in NFL world, coaches and organizations feign shock over such accusations, with very bad acting, I might add. In NFL world, one offense of cheating isn’t enough to warrant punishment. Hell, you can cheat TWO times and still receive the same punishment—a fine (which I will reiterate affects the team about as much as a fly hitting a windshield), and they lose a first-round draft pick. The punishment is not enough, and it doesn’t fit the crime.
A culture of cheating is becoming the norm in the NFL, and the Patriots are leading the way. But the question that comes to my mind is this: If you pay astronomical amounts of money for these tremendous athletes, then why is cheating even necessary? Winning by cheating is not a true show of talent. Winning by cheating means cutting corners, disrespecting the game and your competition.
But what do I know? I’m just a Benchwarmer, and I’ll leave these parting words for you:
“I would prefer to fail with honor than to win by cheating.” —Sophocles.
Former Staff Writer Kristina Sewell is now a contributing writer for the Sun. Contact her through the managing editor at clanham@santamariasun.com.
This article appears in Feb 5-12, 2015.