Stephen Herek (Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Mr. Holland’s Opus) directs Hailey DeDominicis’ script about old flames Avery (Lindsay Lohan) and Logan (Ian Harding) whose relationship ended a decade ago but who coincidentally wind up at the same Christmas gathering at their new significant others’ parents’ house. Worried that their old relationship would be a distraction as they both try to ingratiate themselves to Cameron (Jon Rudnitsky) and Cassie’s (Katie Baker) mother, Erica (Kristin Chenoweth), and father, Leonard (Dan Bucatinsky), they agree to pretend to be total strangers. (101 min.)
Glen: I think I feel about TV Christmas movies the way you feel about superhero flicks—they’re not really my jam. Sure, I’ve learned to love some. Love Actually has become one of our holiday traditions, for instance. But unlike you, I can’t do a Hallmark Channel marathon. This Lindsay Lohan vehicle may be slightly better than a Hallmark Christmas movie, but it’s so far-fetched and its characters are so by-the-numbers that it’s hard to forget you’re watching a very contrived movie. Chenoweth as the family matriarch is catty as heck, insulting Avery from the moment she arrives. Obviously, no one is good enough for her son Cameron, … well, except maybe his old flame, Sophie (Ash Santos), who shows up to further complicate the romantic … it’s not a triangle. Maybe a semi-cubical parabola. And don’t get me started on the implausible conclusion, which contradicts all that preceded it.
Anna: Don’t get the Hallmark community after you, honey. We already took enough heat this year with all the jokes about the plotlines and story tropes. Lohan has become a Christmas star lately, and I’ll agree that most of the time these flicks depend on their audience letting go of a certain amount of reality (or dare I say … cynicism) in order to enjoy. Chenoweth is also a Christmas movie classic, and she plays the haughty mom with an attitude quite well. One of the running jokes is the family portrait she has painted every year and how while her family seems to grow and age around her, she never does. I mean, I’ve seen a lot of Christmas movies, and I can tell you this lands pretty far from the most far-fetched and ridiculous. It lets Lohan be funny and has a great scheming character in 17-year-old brother Callum (Jake Brennan) who discovers the exes’ secret early on and blackmails them to gain himself beer runs and rides home from a rave. It’s cute and hokey and full of Christmas at the in-laws’ tomfoolery.
Glen: Dear Hallmark community, I support your right to gobble up holiday hokum all you want. I’m sure such films are an acquired taste, and my rudimentary palate is simply not sophisticated enough to fully appreciate the robust bouquet of holiday spirit with notes of romantic reconciliation. Our Little Secret is certainly trying to be funny, and it elicited a chuckle or two from me, but I wouldn’t call it a “rousing” comedy. At best, I achieved a low-level state of bemusement. Other than Lohan; Chenoweth; Henry Czerny as Mitchell, Avery’s widower father; and Tim Meadows as Stan, a real estate developer and Sophie’s father who may be the key to Logan moving his career forward, I didn’t recognize any of the actors. Avery’s still struggling with her mother’s death, and Logan wants to be her knight in shining armor. Will she eventually let him? If you don’t know the answer, you haven’t seen many Christmas movies.
Anna: You can get away with a lot of nonsense by slapping some Christmas cheer all over a shaky storyline, but I’m happy this time of year (and pretty much anytime) to watch the good, the bad, and the cringey Christmas movies that flood our streaming services. Our Little Secret is no different, and I have no doubt that Lohan will grace our screens again next year with a new silly storyline and plenty of Christmas cheer. It’s not a classic, but it sure fits a certain holiday film niche.
New Times Senior Staff Writer Glen Starkey and freelancer Anna Starkey write Sun Screen. Comment at gstarkey@newtimesslo.com.
This article appears in Dec 26, 2024 – Jan 5, 2025.