Krider publishes a book about his CHP Academy experiences

“I had been at the California Highway Patrol Academy for a total of 30 seconds before I decided I hated the place.”

So reads the opening sentence to Rob Krider’s new, not-so-fictional novel Cadet Blues. Longtime Sun humor columnist Rob Krider’s alter ego “Cadet Karter” tells his story of making it through the California Highway Patrol’s paramilitary training academy. That 30th second is when Cadet Karter’s training begins, with bellowing staff officers, hundreds of pushups, and complex regulations, codes, and techniques every CHP officer must know by heart.

FOUR-WAY INTERSECTION: Sun humor columnist Rob Krider leads a four-pronged life as father and husband, CHP Lieutenant, race car driver, and writer. Credit: PHOTO COURTESY OF ROB KRIDER

Originally penned during a 40-day vacation away from his duties as a CHP patrolman, Krider sat on the book for seven years, editing and perfecting what would become Cadet Blues with the help of his wife, whom he loves. The title refers to the blue uniforms given to cadets who begin the arduous 180-day training regimen, and the physical and emotional fatigue that come with.

“The book is 100 percent accurate to California Highway Patrol experience at the academy,” Krider said. “It is my class, it’s my story, but I would say that 90 percent of the story is my class and 10 percent of the stories were road stories I heard after leaving the academy.”

Cadet Karter takes us through the experience day by day, minute by minute, all the way down to who quit when and why. The harsh training CHP cadets receive is designed to weed out those who probably shouldn’t be there and is done with grueling physical training, strict hierarchical respect, and fastidious attention to every detail. Karter joins the academy as a college dropout with a new wife and baby, so his family depends on the paycheck he receives upon the beginning of training. Quitting isn’t an option, so Karter finds himself subjected to the ritual abuse and strict policies the CHP expects of its cadets.

“Sometimes life throws you a curve ball, I mean, I was already dropping out of college and knocking up my wife,” he said. “My family was like, ‘Jesus, kid, you can’t do anything f***ing right,’ so I was determined to graduate and show I could be a positive member of society.”

Skills from the finer points of bed making and shoe shining are brand new to Cadet Karter, who receives help from fellow cadets with military experience. The brotherhood that strikes up between cadets is as much about survival as it is about friendship, as everyone needs help, and everyone is held accountable for the actions of others. Cadets quickly learn that their missteps will result in many extra pushups, so the weak links become targeted early.

While navigating the labyrinth of classrooms, physical training, and the academy parking lot, Cadet Karter tries to follow his wife’s advice of “keep your stupid mouth shut,” but all the while keeps his inner mouth running the whole time. This is classic Krider, interjecting with his often-crude-but-always-hilarious insights while being berated by the overbearing staff officers. The officers are strict but professional with the cadets. The goal is to instill this professionalism as well as a fine-tuned awareness that will aid patrolmen and women in their career.

A TALE OF TRAINING: Rob Krider’s ‘Cadet Blues’ gives an honest portrayal of the California Highway Patrol academy narrated by the sarcastic commentary of main character Cadet Karter. Credit: IMAGE COURTESY OF ROB KRIDER

“When you’re a cadet, you don’t realize,” Krider said, “but the staff officers really do care, and they want you to be successful.”

One particular scene reveals the reality of a career in law enforcement: A staff officer shares a slideshow of crime scene photography, the subject of which are officers lost in the line of duty. This tactic precipitates a wave of dropouts, but hardens Cadet Karter’s resolve to master the CHP skill set and graduate.

Cadet Blues is honest about these harrowing aspects of the job, and it’s also honest about the realities of cadet life. From the gravy-drenched cafeteria food, to the reason why most cadets wear flip-flops in the shower, Krider revels in the minutia of the experience with his chuckle-inducing commentary.

“People have asked me how can I remember all this stuff, like I was making notes at night,” he said. “And I’m like, ‘Well dude, it was a f***ing traumatic experience! Of course I remember it!’”

Krider has self-published his book, which is available in hard copy and ebook at Amazon.com. The California Highway Patrol has actually begun carrying the book in their commissary and gift shop at the academy. It’s certainly required reading for anyone thinking of entering the academy, but the appeal has spread to folks Krider never expected.

“That’s really the ultimate compliment,” he said. “I didn’t imagine that the book would have as much effect and be that successful with grandmas and people who would never even consider being in the California Highway Patrol. They have found the story inspiring and loved what it had to say, so I feel very lucky that it was written for one audience but has spread across several demographics and so many people have enjoyed it.”