I might as well be stepping outside Apollo 11 onto the moon’s surface, but in reality, I’m just gearing up to exit my Chevy Aveo in the Walmart parking lot.
Mask, check; gloves, check; sanity, indeterminable—there’s just no time. I’ve already wasted enough as is, sitting in this car for minutes, taking my right glove off and putting it back on again in between texting memes to a group chat. But I’m on a mission and there’s a $2.97 18-color paint set inside the store with my name on it. On my way out, I feel like the only person in line without groceries. No food, all paint—the embodiment of a starving artist.
I don’t remember exactly how I found out about Orcutt Rocks, but I’m guessing the Facebook group must have randomly popped up on my newsfeed a while ago. I must have been talking about either paint or rocks (probably the latter) that day, the government heard me, and voila! I’m glad they were listening though because it’s a fun group that’s been well worth the recommendation.
The premise is simple: Group members paint or decorate a rock and hide it somewhere in town, whether it be on a hiking trail, at a park, or on a random street corner. On the back of the rock, members are encouraged to write “Post to Orcutt Rocks” or “#OrcuttRocks,” so whoever finds it can post about it on social media if they like and spread the word. There are a few rules, or guidelines, however: no hiding rocks in the grass (as they cause damage to lawn mowers if unspotted), no hiding rocks in cemeteries, keep rocks at least 6 feet apart, etc. One of those is not true (two truths and a lie).
Today’s expedition marks the first time I’m joining in on the rock painting and hiding action, but I’ve been spectating the local scavenger hunt from afar through Facebook posts from the group’s participants (first time caller, longtime fan). I’ve really enjoyed the diversity of artwork included. The pop-culture-oriented rocks especially tickle my fancy. One of the latest rocks posted on the group, for example, is of Michelangelo (the Ninja Turtle, not the artist), which was found at the corner of North Avenue and North Broadway Street.
One of the subjects I decide to tackle is literally a Rock, or the one true Rock, I should say—Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. I attempt to re-create Johnson’s infamous 1990s turtleneck and fanny pack pic with interesting results. I debate with myself about repainting over the eyes and mouth I botched; he’s starting to look more like a demented Sesame Street character than a successful wrestler turned actor. But I decide to leave it as is; in fact, I kind of want to keep him now.
If you happen to spot either my Spongebob Squarepants or Patrick Star rock somewhere in Orcutt, I hope it brightens your day. I also painted and hid a couple of cheeky tributes to Andy Warhol and René Magritte, both of which I also botched but not nearly as creepily as my poor Dwayne Johnson’s facial features. Happy hunting!
Send subject suggestions to Arts Editor Caleb Wiseblood for his next batch of painted rocks at cwiseblood@santamariasun.com.
This article appears in Apr 23-30, 2020.