Can’t you smell it? Love is in the air. No, I’m not talking about a certain holiday that makes single people like myself wretch at the mere thought of it. I’m referring of course to the 21st time the countries of the world drop their nuclear saber-rattling, join hands, and sing “Kumbaya” for two weeks in February: the 2010 Winter Olympics.
I must admit I’m more than a little jaded these days, but the fact that most nations can put politics aside in the name of athletic competition ranks as one of the most compelling moments in sports, and one that always seems to bring out the best in the human spirit. In this era of steroids, scandal, and all-around thuggery in professional sports, it’s nice to know there’s still something pure as the driven snow left in the heart of the Olympic Games. It’s like that family reunion you still hold, even though Uncle Bobby and Aunt Gladys haven’t spoken in 10 years and Grandma still hasn’t forgiven you for accidentally setting the camper van on fire when you were 6. (Sorry, Grandma!)
This year’s Games mark the third time the Olympics have been held in Canada. The last time was in Calgary, in 1988. Back then, the Summer and Winter Games were still held every four years, but in the same year. Maybe that’s why they seemed like a bigger deal back then. Or maybe it’s just because everything seemed bigger when I was 9.
For some reason, in anticipation of the event, I begged my parents to buy me a Nintendo game called, funnily enough, Winter Games. I got it for my birthday, and I think I was the only kid in America who actually owned it. I played the game so much that after awhile, even blowing into the cartridge didn’t make it work anymore. Imagine trying to get Japanese figure skaters to perform triple lutzes and compelling pixelated hot-dog aerialists to pull off quadruple twisty-flippy things, all with only “A” and “B” buttons and glorious 8-bit graphics. Yeah, it was that good. All it did was whet my appetite for the real thing.
The Calgary games were the first Olympics I would remember watching with any clarity. That year, a man, nay, a legend known as “The Eagle” was born. If you’re younger than 30, you’ve probably never heard of Eddie Edwards. He was a British ski jumper who was afraid of heights and during competitions performed so miserably that crowds of spectators would chant “Eddie!” in something resembling encouragement. “The Eagle” became somewhat of a cult celebrity, and these were the days before Internet “Fail” posters. My how things have changed. In fact, the Soviet Union and the East Germans dominated the medal count that year. Hey, remember the ’80s? I’m afraid I do.
This time, the Games are being held in Vancouver, probably the cleanest, nicest-looking city on the North American continent. Unfortunately, there’s no Eddie the Eagle or Jamaican bobsled team to root for, but there are plenty of personalities to love.
For starters, this might be the last time the National Hockey League sends its stars to the Games. For years, Olympic athletes were strictly amateurs; only the best-of-the-best gold-medal winners became household names. Call me crazy, but I liked it better when the players were unknown commodities. Fielding a team of seasoned pros takes away a little of the fun pulling for the underdog. I imagine 1980’s “Miracle on Ice” would’ve have been more like the “Mild Surprise on Ice” if the team had been made up of American-born All-Stars. Still, Olympic hockey makes for great viewing.
Today, some Olympic athletes are so well known, they have their own video games. Take Shaun White for example, probably the most recognizable name in Vancouver. A world-class snowboarder, White came to be known for his X-Games exploits and is going for more hardware to add to the gold medal he won in 2006. Along with ESPN, White’s helped merge snowboarding with the traditional Olympic sports to form a hipper, hybrid version of the Games. I think evolution is a good thing … to the extreme! (Insert high-pitched electric guitar chord here).
Alas, I was never much into snowboarding myself (I grew up in Phoenix, after all). The first and last time I tried, I took a nasty spill backward and landed on my head. Later, I was found wandering around the ski lodge, muttering something about giant squirrels that looked like Jimmy Carter.
So, I’m still pretty old school at heart. For me, speed skating and downhill ski racing are the highlights of the Games. In speed skating, names like Bonnie Blair and Eric Heiden come to mind immediately from past years. This time, the United States’ Apolo Anton Ohno, who was last seen busting a move on Dancing With The Stars, will be looking to skate his way into the record books with his sixth gold medal in the short track. If he succeeds, he would knock Heiden off as America’s top Olympic speed skater of all time. Feel the love.
In downhill skiing, American Bode Miller is the everyman’s athlete. If the name doesn’t ring any bells, he’s the guy who admitted to SWI—skiing while intoxicated—because he wanted to make things “exciting.” Bode said he doesn’t care about winning medals, and the 2006 Games proved he was being serious, as he failed to medal in the five events he entered. I’d like to see him win at least once this time around, just to hear him say, “See, I told you I ski better when I drink.”
Speaking of sports that are better played under the influence, curling seems like it would be a blast after a few Molsons. I’ve never tried it, I don’t understand it, but I like it for reasons I can’t fathom. Perhaps I just happen to enjoy fast-paced sweeping. Who knows?
Finally, I’m probably going to regret saying this in print, but I’m going to enjoy watching figure skating. When I say figure skating, I mean Russian figure skaters. Wait, what were we talking about again?
Oh, right. Predictions. I realize I’ve been more than a little Amero-centric in my highlights (USA! USA!), but you would have to be some kind of hoser to not have money on the hometown Canucks this year to top the medal charts. Also, I’ll give you three-to-one odds that there’ll be at least one major athlete busted for smoking pot in the Olympic Village. Two-to-one it’s a snowboarder.
But what do I know? I’m just a bum, and that’s my view from the bleachers.
Contact the Bleacher Bum at jthomas@santamariasun.com.
This article appears in Feb 11-18, 2010.
