Wednesday, June 20, 2018     Volume: 19, Issue: 15
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Santa Maria Sun / Letters to the Editor

Trumpflation!

Kim Pendleton - Nipomo -

People are worried that President Donald Trump's economic policies could overheat the economy. When he was elected, the stock market exploded. Now, many economists fear runaway inflation could harm our economy. Gas prices are on the rise, groceries will be next. The real danger is we'll find inflated numbers everywhere. Tucson could become Threecson, and may even reach Fourcson. You think you're in Tennessee, but you might end up in Elevenessee, or even Thirteenessee. People in Florida could find themselves in Fliveida, or heaven forbid, Tlenida. It'll be hard getting mail if the numbers in our address keep going up with inflation. Lincoln's address could very easily become, "Five score and eighteen decades ago." Furthermore, no one would be on time, as 5 o'clock became 6 o'clock without anyone even realizing it.

Then, what if the economy cannot sustain its wild ride? We could find ourselves in another depression. What was once wonderful could turn negative-twoderful. We're living in 2018, but it could shrink to 1929. Your investments, the ones that had recently doubled, could zero. General Motors would be demanding money from you instead of paying you a dividend. People in Billings, Montana, would be paying their bills with cents on the dollar. You may be driving down the road in a Cadillac and find yourself in a Yugo. How depressing!

Things could get unpredictable. You go to pay for gas and and it could be $10 a gallon one minute and 29 cents the next. (What a bummer!) You go for a haircut and you don't know if you'll come out a hippie or a baldy. A trip to the mall could become dangerous. We'd all end up missing our Target. Rather than shopping at Ross to "Dress for Less," you could end up naked! "Hard 2 4get" could become "hard 4 2get," or just "hard 2 get."

So as we contemplate this wild economy, our feight could be our feleven, fwelve, or even ftwo. You jump on a scale and instead of 150 pounds you are suddenly 129.95, or even 169.95. Of course, we would no longer refer to our weight, as it became our weighteen. Imagine car license plates affected by inflation. Phone numbers could increase or decrease at the market's whim. In the end, instead of being fortunate, we could find ourselves zeroturnate. Instead of making America greight again, Trump'll be making America grone again!





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