My favorite high-pitched whine is making its way to the campaign trail. The squeaky wheel also known as Andy “I Know What’s Best” Caldwell announced his run for Congress on Aug. 12.
Oh goody! Now I don’t just have to tune into a Santa Barbara County Board of Supervisors meeting to hear his screeds. He’s taking his long-winded diatribes out onto the open road, spreading his own brand of conservative gospel at a campaign event near you!
And this fella, who champions the cause of the Coalition of Labor, Business, and Agriculture, swears up and down that he’s got better name recognition than that one guy. What’s his name again? Oh! U.S. Rep. Salud “Impeach the President” Carbajal, the 24th District’s current representative. After all, Caldwell’s been on the local talk radio for two decades, writing editorials like a mo-fo, and boppin’ around the county for even longer than that.
What’s in the name of an already twice-elected official who represents San Luis Obispo, Santa Barbara, and Ventura counties that Caldwell doesn’t have? Even though my chatty conservative friend might be on the right, he might not be exactly in the right (which is how I feel almost every time I listen to him speak).
Meanwhile, over on the left, Carbajal has a campagin staffer who’s behind on his research: “Salud is always ready to run a strong campaign, will always be ready to run a strong campaign. But right now he’s eight months into his first term and he’s focused on his work in Congress,” Ben “I’m Obviously the New Guy” Romo told the Sun.
If you do the math, that statement just doesn’t work. Carbajal was first elected in 2016, and U.S. representatives run for their seats every two years. Plus, Carbajal actually ran against the same guy twice! Anybody out there think that Justin Fareed is going to announce a run anytime soon? Fourth time’s a charm?
Well, Ben, my fresh-to-the-Central-Coast green leaf of grass, it might be time to crack open the Google machine on that dude you’re working for.
Sorry, not sorry, to call you out like that, but it’s literally the definition of my job. It’s the only reason I have newspaper to line the bottom of my bird cage with.
Also, Carbajal is way more focused on Donald Trump than he is on his work in Congress—it seems like every statement he’s put out in the first eight months of his second term has to do with something that the Bloviator In Chief has said or done. If I had to guess, Carbajal is going to be running against the president in his campaign for the 24th District—and isn’t too worried about the Republican who will be staking his or her claim for the same seat.
But, it could be like old times. We could reminisce about when Carbajal sat in that 1st District seat on the Santa Barbara County Board of Supervisors, forced to listen to Caldwell’s thoughts on the latest affordable housing unit, oil project, or agricultural ordinance.
I bet Carbajal misses it. Good thing he doesn’t have to miss it for very long.
The Canary is ready for some long-winded diatribes to pick apart. Send comments to canary@santamariasun.com.
This article appears in Aug 15-22, 2019.