Parents, buckle up. The statistics are brutal:
• The average age of first exposure to pornography is 9.
• One out of every 10 visitors to a porn site is younger than 10.
• 10 percent of seventh graders worry that they might be addicted to porn.
• 64 percent of 13- to 24-year-olds actively seek out porn weekly or more often.
And before you say, but not my child, be aware—98 percent of children will have seen hard-core porn by the time they are 18. Just because your child doesn’t have an iPhone or unsupervised internet access at home does not mean that at some point they won’t be introduced to hard-core porn way before their brain or their body is ready for sex.
Porn is kryptonite to a child’s undeveloped brain. The supranormal stimulus of porn, plus the lethal combo of shock, shame, and arousal, creates such a dopamine high that children can be instantly hooked. CAT scans show that internet porn affects the brain in the same way as cocaine. But unlike cocaine, porn “conditions” or changes the sexual tastes of the viewer. In other words, our children are training their brains to be aroused by “sexual abuse” before their first kiss.
Sexual abuse? That’s a bit strong—porn isn’t really hurting anyone, it’s just harmless fantasy.
No, it’s not. In a study done in 2010 analyzing the 50 most popular pornographic videos, researchers discovered that 88 percent of scenes contained physical violence, and 49 percent contained verbal aggression.
Pinching, slapping, and pulling hair are the most popular forms of physical abuse, and the verbal aggression includes a variety of degrading names. Ninety-five percent of the responses from the women being abused were either neutral or expressions of pleasure. Do you see the problem? Teenage boys are being taught that this is “good” sex—that women like to be hit and slapped and called names during sex, that physical and verbal abuse really turn a woman on.
All porn is based on the following ideology: 1) That all women at all times want sex from all men. 2) That women enjoy all the sexual acts that men perform or demand. 3) Any woman who does not at first realize this can be easily turned with a little force.
As the millions of #MeToo women clearly demonstrated, the reaction of women being sexually harassed or assaulted in real life is very different.
In a recent survey from the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC), they found that more than half of the boys (53 percent) believed that the porn they had seen was realistic. They believed that what they view in porn is an accurate depiction of sex and sexuality. This was in comparison to 39 percent of girls who believed the same.
Furthermore, many boys admitted that they wanted to copy the behavior they had seen watching porn. More than a third (39 percent) of 13- to 14-year-olds, and a fifth (21 percent) of 11- to 12-year-olds wanted to repeat porn acts.
In an article from The Journal of Communication on Pornography Consumption and Actual Acts of Sexual Aggression, researchers said that after examining 22 studies, that, “There is little doubt that, on the average, individuals who consume pornography more frequently are more likely to hold attitudes conducive to sexual aggression and engage in actual acts of sexual aggression.”
According to the Daily Mail, porn has fueled a 400 percent rise in child-on-child assaults in the UK. In 2017, an 11-year-old boy admitted seven counts of rape and sexual assault on boys under 13 after he watched similar explicit images online. Legal officials involved in the case said it was clear that internet porn had sparked the sex attacks.
Parents, you are going to have to go on the offensive on this one. Although there are now four states that have declared porn a “public health crisis,” unfortunately California is not one of them. Unless we act, porn will rewire a whole generation of boys to prefer viewing sexual abuse over loving sex with a partner. And this epidemic of porn consumption will groom a whole generation of girls to accept and expect one-sided, degrading sexual experiences.
It is not overly dramatic to say that unless we start tackling this as a community we are condemning our children to a future of debilitating addictions, unfulfilling relationships, porn-induced erectile dysfunction, sexual assaults, insomnia, anxiety, and depression—to mention but a few of the proven consequences.
I am not a crusader on a high horse. I am simply a recovered porn addict, a sex-addiction therapist, and a dad. Seeing, on a daily basis, the devastation that porn addiction brings, I am not prepared to sit back and simply watch as porn poisons the mind and the future of our children. Are you?
Anyone who is concerned about the impact of porn use among children and teens is invited to attend an exclusive preview of the first episode of Brain, Heart, World—a documentary for adolescents on the neurological, relational, and societal side effects of pornography. This powerful and groundbreaking three-part series, currently in production by fightthenewdrug.org, will be available for purchase for your family, school, or church in the fall of 2018.
After the 30-minute film there will be a question-and-answer session with me, covering topics such as how to create a filter with your child and how to choose the correct filtering/blocking software for your family. Resources to help facilitate conversations with kids from kindergarteners to college students will also be available. The screening is Jan. 28 at 6:30 p.m. at Grace Bible Church, 100 Rodeo Drive, Arroyo Grande.
Let’s stop simply reacting to the bad news and do something good. All are welcome; the event is free.
Mark Makinney is a sexual addiction therapist in Arroyo Grande and has a BA from Stanford University and an MDiv from Princeton Seminary. He can be reached through resolvetherapy.org. Send your thoughts to letters@santamariasun.com.
This article appears in Jan 25 – Feb 1, 2018.