I have yet to reach the point in my life where I feel ready and willing to have children. But given the recent events of rampant sexual misconduct in Hollywood, politics, and professional sports, I have two options for children:
Don’t have any.
Or find some way to genetically ensure that I give birth to sons.
Who wants to bring a daughter into this world, raise her in such an unjust and callous place? But should you have a daughter, do her a favor and write her a letter. Give her some idea of what she will be up against in this world and how she will be treated. If I had a daughter, my letter might go something like this:
Dear Future Daughter,
I want to write this letter to you so you know what kind of world you will have to grow up in.
You will grow up in a world where a woman is still perceived as less than man—less capable, less strong, less intelligent, less deserving of respect.
You will grow up watching Disney movies where all the men are princes and charming, and you will grow to realize those types of men are less and less existent.
You will develop a woman’s body and be objectified, judged, and valued for your looks. Your greatest appeal and power with men will be your sexuality, not your intelligence and character.
You will develop the ability to create life, and you will be told what to do with your body. You will be told by men if you’re allowed to take birth control because some religions believe your role in life is to make babies and that’s what God “wants.”
You will eventually maybe go to college where you go to a party, drink a little too much, and are sexually assaulted. Don’t forget you will be blamed for the sexual assault because you were drinking; of course you must have done something to entice it or deserve it.
You’ll grow up hearing music where women are called a number of derogatory names, where women dance around half naked in music videos being ogled by men. And you will grow up with boys who listen to this music and think that’s the kind of treatment women deserve.
You will grow up in a world where you may decide to wear an outfit that highlights your female assets, and men will feel like it’s an invitation to solicit you or touch you. Remember if you dress that way, that’s the attention you must want.
You will grow up and eventually enter the workforce where you are paid less in your career (on the dollar) because you’re female. Where men can sexually assault or harass you in the workplace, and you’ll be silenced with money, bribes, threats, or job termination.
You may want to join a branch of the U.S. military to serve, honor, and protect your country. And you will face rampant sexual harassment and rape by your fellow soldiers and superiors. If you decide to say anything, you will once again be hushed because these men aren’t there to serve and protect you because you simply don’t have the right parts between your legs.
You may want to play a professional sport, but you will still be paid less and your games won’t be televised as much. There won’t be any Fantasy Sports teams dedicated to women. Depending on what sport you play, you may not have any professional opportunities. The nature of games will be changed to make them “easier” because you’re a female. Or you might become a weight lifter and body-shamed for being strong and “looking like a man.”
You might grow up to work for a professional sports network or team. You might grow up to be like Jamie Cantor, a former employee of the NFL who was sexually harassed and assaulted by THREE former football players turned analysts: Marshall Faulk, Ike Taylor, and Heath Evans. You will grow to learn that that list of names is much longer than three. And maybe you will be like Jamie and be fired for saying anything. You will watch as the NFL does nothing until it becomes a glaringly apparent national problem; they will take action out of necessity, not for justice. You might conduct interviews with male athletes like Jack Morris, and he will respond to you by saying, “I don’t talk to women when I’m naked unless they’re on top of me or I’m on top of them.” And you’ll be blamed for being a woman in a man’s locker room. You’ll grow up with men like Morris who will still be entered into the Hall of Fame despite their disgusting and irreproachable actions.
You might grow up in a world where men who openly brag about grabbing women’s crotches and have a history of sexual assault can become president and stay president in spite of it all.
You will grow up in a world where there is an unwritten expectation that you must endure this, where speaking up inspires fear instead of hope. You will be blamed for all of the problems that befall you as a woman; there will be little justice for you. Your existence will somehow always be less and in ways big and small, you will be reminded constantly.
But understand this, daughter: You are not less, you are so much more than what some of these chauvinistic, pathetic excuses for men make you out to be. You are just as capable and just as intelligent. And the plight that befalls you is not your fault.
You are not just a woman, a girl, a piece of meat. You are HUMAN, and you deserve respect regardless of your gender.
I am fully aware that letter was highly dramatic, and I certainly do not think that all men are sexual deviants. But there are a growing number of sexually perverted assholes in this world, just turn on the news.
And you know what disgusts me the most? That people actually seem mystified that this stuff happens. DUH! Why haven’t we said anything until now, you ask? Well, would you want to be told the disrespect you receive is your fault? That you are deserving? Would you want to have your character assassinated for trying to bring justice yourself? What then—would you speak up? Probably not.
Not to mention that politics, Hollywood, the military, and sports have done NOTHING to bring light to these issues until now. Now these people have no choice but to acknowledge the problem. The cat’s out of the bag so to speak, and we aren’t going back in. There isn’t enough money, terminations, or bribes to silence the flood of women coming forward.
I am glad that women are coming forward. I am glad that these men are being shown as the sick, disrespectful, pathetic excuses for men that they really are.
Bottom line, it’s depressing to turn on the news and see another name added to the list of sexual assaulters. In all honesty, 2017 has made me question whether women have ever achieved true equality and respect. It’s a depressing thought really.
Life isn’t entirely depressing for women, but this theme of sexual misconduct is way overdue for exposure; it is a problem that negatively taints the life of a woman the moment she hits puberty.
It’s a problem that’s festered and a problem that has caused irreparable damage to current and future generations of women; something has to be done. The world needs an intellectual shift when it comes to gender.
But what do I know? I’m just a Benchwarmer who won’t be defined or disrespected because of her gender.
Sports contributor Kristina Sewell writes the Benchwarmer once a month for the Sun. Send your thoughts to mail@santamariasun.com.
This article appears in Dec 21-28, 2017.