Few things in life are as stressful as planning a wedding.
The minute you think you’ve got ahold of the day, something catastrophic happens. The seating chart must be reworked due to family drama. Your sister decides she’s just “not wearing” that bridesmaid dress. You realize you hate every single one of your friends’ current significant others. Can’t we just call the whole thing off?
I know it’s hard for you to believe at this moment, but most of these “big problems” are completely trivial. When you look back on the big day, you won’t be cursing the baker who mixed up your order (you wanted blush-colored rosettes, not baby pink, damn it). Instead of fretting over family feuds, clashing bridesmaids, annoying plus ones, and the photogenic nature of your cake, take a moment to get centered on what the day really means to you.
If you’re lucky, you will marry the man or woman of your dreams. Now here’s the only question you need to ask yourself: How do you want the stuff surrounding that moment to feel? I know this sounds like one of those Facebook surveys, (“What ’80s sitcom character are you?”), but believe me, this is a crucial, often overlooked question.
Whether you want to feel like a regal queen or a total badass, it pays to meditate on the vibe behind the hoopla. To quote the band Boston, when it comes to planning a wedding, “It’s more than a feeling.”
I had the pleasure of attending my pal Talia and Jeremiah Vasquez’s wedding, held a few years back at the Jack House in downtown San Luis Obispo. The whole event felt warm, like a cozy family reunion. I wanted to know: How was she able to stay on her own path and forget all that fussy bridal mumbo jumbo?
“We definitely wanted the wedding to feel like a happy get-together with all the people we love. We didn’t want anything fancy,” Vasquez said.
Instead, the couple went with “lots of sparkly lights and booze and laughter,” which—if you know the pair—is exactly their style.
Hiring their favorite local bartender helped create a Cheers-like vibe (feel free to steal this idea if you love your bartender like kin). That, combined with a good friend DJ-ing tunes, and an abundance of comfort food, made the event feel sweet and unfussy. Let’s put it this way: The bridal party didn’t just walk down the aisle, they wiggled and danced, and all flaunted orange and blue in honor of the couple’s fave show, Dr. Who.
The point here is simple: If you want “intimate,” think about what that means to you, and if that means “no tiara,” that’s more than fine.
Crystal DeLongpre and her wife, Courtney Rae DeLongpre, got hitched in Santa Ynez during a “magical and perfect” day that reflected both of their colorful personalities. Crystal, aka Chef Pink, is the culinary genius behind Bacon and Brine in Solvang, and her bride, a fiery redhead with a penchant for vintage style, is the pickler, briner, and adorable bike-deliverer. For their wedding, the feeling was all about “personal authenticity.”
“We made everything to be unique and beautiful, just like us,” Crystal said. “We mixed and matched vintage plates and glassware, and the flowers were grown locally. I made the food and menu to reflect our personalities and our ties to our community and family traditions.”
When it came to down-the-aisle music, Courtney chose tunes that truly expressed her personality. Both women wore flowing gowns: Crystal in graphic black and white and Courtney in a vintage-inspired dress. Everything was DIY save for the fabulous dresses, hair, and makeup. The result? Both women felt like they were sharing their true selves with their loved ones, and that meant the world.
“My cheeks hurt from smiling all day,” Courtney said (her only complaint was that the wedding didn’t last longer).
My advice? Whether you see your wedding day as intimate and goofy or artsy and unexpected, just be sure you’ve spent a sufficient amount of time daydreaming.
Want a “rock ’n’ roll party?” Hire your favorite local rock band instead of the standard DJ; invest in a karaoke/fog machine; use thrift-store vinyl records as centerpieces.
Looking for “down home country?” Encourage everyone to wear cowboy boots; rent a pony (I did); hire a line-dancing teacher for the after-party.
Maybe you want something glamorous and classic? Do what my dear friends the Campbells did and rent the Fremont Theatre in SLO (with your names on the marquee); have bags of rice on hand; and hire a swinging rockabilly band that encourages folks old and young to raise a glass and shake a tail feather.
Before you invest in 1,000 live doves, invest in a yellow legal pad and a good bottle of wine. Sit down and start letting those feelings out. What may at first seem random (“Quiet.” “Outdoorsy.” “Natural.”) might turn into the best camping trip/wedding your four closest friends have ever attended. There is no right way to be wed.
If you need any more creative encouragement than that, take a final tip from Courtney, who maintains that her wedding was nothing short of perfect: “My advice to brides is to follow what matters to the two of you. Don’t worry about what everyone else wants or accepts. Remember, it’s a celebration of love.”
Contributor Hayley Thomas is into that loving feeling at [email protected].
