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Santa Maria Sun / Humor

The following article was posted on October 29th, 2008, in the Santa Maria Sun - Volume 9, Issue 33 [ Submit a Story ]
The following articles were printed from Santa Maria Sun [santamariasun.com] - Volume 9, Issue 33

Trick or treat?

The debate over Halloween costumes can be scary

By ROB KRIDER

Every Halloween there seems to be the “it” costume. For a long time, it was the black robe and menacing white face from the movie Scream. Recently, I have seen a lot of Hannah Montanas and Darth Vaders knocking at my door, begging for candy. I have also noticed that for the adult women set, there seems to be a Halloween character that is more popular than any other. I’m not exactly sure of the name, but I think it is called “Skank.” Don’t get me wrong—that isn’t a derogatory term in my book. Personally, I’m a huge fan of the skanky Halloween costume. I’m a red-blooded American man and I love the Naughty Nurse, Naughty Maid, and Naughty Cop costumes, all of which have their own skank-a-licious touches. I absolutely have no issue with them. The only issue is that my daughter is nine years old and she thinks the Skank costume is cool, too, which is really not cool at all.

Regardless of my daughter’s age, she thinks that girls who wear a lot of make up and sport revealing outfits are fascinating. So, when Halloween comes around, my daughter wants to play dress up and look like a girl in her early 20s, who just happens to be on her way to a Friday night fraternity party. How did this happen, you ask? Well, I blame Lindsay Lohan.

Lindsay was a cute actress who my daughter adored in Disney movies like Herbie Fully Loaded and Freaky Friday. These days I can’t take my daughter to the grocery store without her being surrounded at the checkstand with magazine covers of Lindsay wearing her own version of the Halloween skank costume. I’m thankful that the Little Mermaid’s Ariel was only a cartoon character and I didn’t have to watch her life spiral out of control live on MTV news. My daughter never had to see stories of Ariel’s outrageous antics in the Hard Rock Hotel pool in Las Vegas.

During dinner the other night, the subject of carving pumpkins and Halloween costumes came up. I asked my daughter, “So, what do you want to be for Halloween? Cinderella again?”

She looked disgusted: “No, Cinderella is for babies. I want to be a Diva of Darkness.”

“Uh, what exactly is a Diva of Darkness?”

“It’s a cool girl, who has black hair, a white face, piercings, and wears a torn black skirt.”

“Interesting ; you know Cinderella has a beautiful long dress that she wears to the ball.”

“Dad, Cinderella is a cartoon.”

With a tear in my eye, I agreed. “I know. Those were the days.”

As Halloween approached, the entire family piled into the car and headed to the Halloween superstore to get some costumes. My son was easy: Indiana Jones, complete with a hat and a whip. No problem. I found a Speed Racer costume that had a matching Trixie costume for my spouse. Yes, for the record it was the Skank version of Trixie (I couldn’t wait to see my wife, whom I love, in it). Then it came time for my daughter to choose. Halloween suddenly became very complicated.

She wanted to be a pirate girl. Sounds innocent enough—the problem was there was nothing very innocent about it. It was more of a naughty pirate girl outfit complete with fishnet leggings. My wife and I found ourselves trying to search for the words to make our daughter understand why it was okay for Mom to be Skanky Trixie, while at the same time she, herself, couldn’t be Skanky Pirate Girl. We really didn’t even know how to define the term “skanky” to our daughter. We both just sort of stared at each other, wondering what to do. In our hesitation, our daughter ran around the store and picked up some accessories to go with the pirate girl costume: high heeled boots and large hoop earrings.

I thought my wife was going to have a heart attack. I could almost see gray hair growing out of her scalp right in front of my eyes. I tried again to get my daughter back to looking at Disney princess costumes, but I was two years too late for that. Then my wife stepped up. She started doing what I have never really been able to do, and that is act like a responsible parent.

She took the costume away from our daughter and simply stated, “You can’t be pirate girl. Find something else.”

My daughter looked at her in disbelief and asked, “Why?”

And then I heard my wife say it. The phrase I thought I would never hear myself utter, but remember my mom and dad saying a thousand times while I was growing up (I absolutely hated it). It gives no explanation and leaves room for no further discussion. It is the phrase that ends it all: “Because I’m your parent and I said so. That’s why.”

That wasn’t enough of a reason for my daughter. It was a stand off. The two girls glared at each other in silence. I could tell that my wife and daughter were about to do battle to the death right in the middle of the Halloween superstore. Looking for a reason to get away and to get my son to a place where he wouldn’t see any type of violence, I grabbed him and said, “C’mon, Dr. Jones. Let’s go look at the dismembered heads that have blood gushing out their necks over on aisle two.”


Rob’s daughter settled on a Halloween costume. She was a geisha. At least the dress was long.




Weekly Poll
Should the proposed aquifer exemption in Cat Canyon be approved?

Yes—the water from the proposed area can't serve as drinking water.
No—oil containments could still pollute usable groundwater.
Additional oil and gas projects can create more jobs.
We need to move away from oil and gas and look at renewable energy projects.

| Poll Results