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Santa Maria Sun / Humor

The following article was posted on December 7th, 2010, in the Santa Maria Sun - Volume 11, Issue 39 [ Submit a Story ]
The following articles were printed from Santa Maria Sun [santamariasun.com] - Volume 11, Issue 39

Dishwasher woes

Krider's philosophy: Installation is the reverse of removal

By ROB KRIDER

It was a dark time at my house recently. Our dishwasher committed suicide, choosing death over the thought of having to try to wash another dish my wife refused to rinse before jamming it into its belly. After some time fighting over who was going to hand wash the dishes every night, we finally had enough extra money to buy a new dishwasher. When I purchased the washer, the store offered to install it for me for the nominal fee of $100. I scoffed at their proposal: “Please. A hundred bucks to do something I can do myself in a half hour? I got this!”

My wife wasn’t as confident: “Honey, just let them do it. The sink is full of dirty dishes, and I really need this thing installed as soon as possible.”

“Baby, I’ll get it done way before ‘as soon as possible.’ You’ll be washing dishes before you go to bed tonight!”

“Okay,” my wife, whom I love, warned. “But don’t take on this project under the guise of saving us money if you’re going to buy $101 worth of new tools to do it.”

She was on to me. I always treat myself and my garage to a new tool. It is a tradition my dad taught me growing up: Every new project deserves at least one new tool. He also taught me to buy Craftsman tools because they have a lifetime warranty. Which, in my dad’s mind, meant it was okay to use a ratchet as a hammer. If it breaks, Sears gives you a new one. No questions asked. Since then, I have never had to buy a new hammer again, but I have had the same ratchet replaced a dozen times. The old man was a genius.

Just for the record, I don’t know the first thing about installing a dishwasher—but that has nothing to do with my ability to do it. I didn’t know the first thing about fatherhood, and I’m still doing that. I don’t know the first thing about taxes, and somehow they get done every year. Knowing stuff just clogs the mind. I discover things as I do a project. Like I discovered that the wires that connect the dishwasher are live (ouch!) unless you turn off the circuit breaker. But if you turn off the circuit breaker to the kitchen, then you can’t see the wires you were trying to work on because it is dark in there. Decisions, decisions.

Getting the old washer out was easy. I just pulled and jerked on it until it was out. Simple enough. Installation is the reverse of removal, so I figured I would be done in no time. But as the evening wore on, I “discovered” that getting one of these dishwashers lined up just right in the counter was tricky. I moved it left, which made a gap on the right; I moved it right, and that made a gap on the left. When I put the dishwasher under the counter, then I couldn’t reach behind it to hook up the power and water. To try and hook up the power and water with the dishwasher outside of the counter would require longer cords and hoses. The project wasn’t going well. The dishes in the sink weren’t getting any cleaner while I messed around with the fitment of the new washer.

I had to get the project done before my wife went to bed, because I promised I would. Technically though, I never promised how late she might have to stay up. At the rate I was going she was going to have to break the world record for consecutively staying awake. Either that, or go on a methamphetamine bender. That would never work though because chances are, she would try to tweak out and take apart the new dishwasher I was trying to install. I kept at it and finally got it in just right. It was midnight.

I was so proud of myself. I knew nothing of dishwashers, and here one was, installed by me, no problem. Well, one problem—my wife: “You have it too far into the counter.”

“What are talking about? I installed it so it is perfectly flush with the counter. What do you know of the technicalities of dishwasher installation?”

“I’m the one who uses it every day. I know what it’s supposed to look like. You pushed it in too far. When you open the door now, food and junk can slip between the side of the washer and inside the counter. Gross.”

My first thought was if she rinsed the dishes properly, then food wouldn’t get between the washer and the counter, and if she rinsed the dishes properly, our other washer wouldn’t have killed itself. But she did have a point; I was looking at some pretty big gaps that weren’t there when I yanked the old washer’s carcass out. It appeared I had made a slight error. That slight error meant that I would have to re-install the washer. The same washer I had just painstakingly perfected the fitment on. Perfected wrongly, that is.

I didn’t argue. Admittedly, I did curse for a while and I did throw my ratchet across the garage (don’t worry, lifetime warranty). But in the end I finally got it right. The dishwasher is installed to my wife’s satisfaction and we can all enjoy food again at our house.

Rob finished the installation before the sun came up, but well after his wife went to bed without him.




Weekly Poll
Should the proposed aquifer exemption in Cat Canyon be approved?

Yes—the water from the proposed area can't serve as drinking water.
No—oil containments could still pollute usable groundwater.
Additional oil and gas projects can create more jobs.
We need to move away from oil and gas and look at renewable energy projects.

| Poll Results