Wednesday, June 19, 2019     Volume: 20, Issue: 15
Signup

Santa Maria Sun / Humor

The following article was posted on April 14th, 2009, in the Santa Maria Sun - Volume 10, Issue 5 [ Submit a Story ]
The following articles were printed from Santa Maria Sun [santamariasun.com] - Volume 10, Issue 5

Dad, uninterrupted

Krider takes his kids to the edge of funâ€"and beyond

By ROB KRIDER

My wife took some much-needed R&R from the kids—or maybe it was the kids and me she was taking a vacation from. Regardless of whom she was sick of picking up after/feeding/taking care of, she was gone, and “coincidently” her cell phone battery died. This meant the kids and I were on our own. We wouldn’t hear from Mom for the entire weekend. I suppose it makes perfect sense that when your cell phone doesn’t work, your ability to use a landline phone also is gone.

I didn’t care. This left me to my own devices to be the funnest and coolest dad ever without any of Mom’s meddling. If we wanted to stay up late, watch scary movies, and eat birthday cake for dinner, that was our prerogative.

I have a theory that kids’ behavior is directly linked to the parent who is watching them. When the kids are with Mom, they know she will look after their well-being and every need. Therefore, they allow her to mother them.  When the kids are with me, they know they are practically on their own to be clothed, fed, and sheltered for. However, we’ll probably do some really cool and crazy things, like day trip to the snow wearing shorts and T-shirts or go on a bike ride so long we have to ride home in the dark without lights. With me, anything can happen, as long as Mom doesn’t get in the way.

So when the kids roll with me and they want “the fun” to continue, they know they need to be tough. Don’t come crying to me if you have a stomachache from eating cake for dinner. Don’t tell me if you have nightmares about a guy in a hockey mask. The rule with Dad is: No whining. If I hear any complaining, I’ll pull the fun bus over immediately and we can spend the entire weekend in the garage cleaning grime off racecar wheels with a toothbrush. No fun to be had there.

This particular weekend I decided to pull out all the stops and take the kids to Disneyland, because I was just that cool of a dad. We didn’t have to deal with Mom there to say Mom things like, “Don’t take the kids to Disneyland on a Sunday because they will be too tired to go to school on Monday.” Whatever. With Mom not there, we might not even come back for school on Monday. We might turn the weekend into a So-Cal-road-trip-Dad-is-the-coolest-three-day-extravaganza.

At Disneyland, the kids and I ran around crazed on sweets and caffeine. We decided to do all the things that Mom would never let us do at Disneyland. First, the Grizzly River Run at California Adventure, a whitewater river raft ride filled with thrills, spills, and lots of H2O. Mom was always afraid of us getting wet. Who cares? A little water never killed anyone (actually, a little water has killed thousands of people worldwide, but you get my drift). We got in line for the ride as the warm Southern California sun began to set. The line was long, and by the time we got on the ride, it was dark. And yes, it was getting cold outside. The kids and I loved the ride, but we ended up soaked from head to toe. When the evening breeze hit us, we were shivering. My kids didn’t complain, but I could tell they were miserable. Mom never would have let this happen. Mr. Fun was turning out to be more like Mr. Dumb.

The next thing the kids and I did was go to California Adventure’s Redwood Creek area, which has all sorts of trails to run through, rocks to climb, and rope bridges to cross. Kids love it. Moms don’t. I figured if we ran around enough, our clothes would eventually dry. To get us running, I decided we should play a game of hide and seek.

The kids ran off to hide, laughing as they went away. We were having tons of un-Mom-supervised fun. I ran around looking for the kids. They were nowhere to be found. I kept looking and kept looking. I had no idea they were such good hiders. I searched and looked absolutely everywhere. They were gone. I started to panic. Are they hidden still? Are they lost? Have they been abducted? My wife would have never let this happen. I didn’t tell my kids that the game should be over after five minutes and meet me at a disclosed location. I didn’t tell the kids anything, other than, “Hey, I’ve got a fun, yet irresponsible idea: Let’s play hide and seek at a huge theme park!”

  My paranoia started to rise. I totally lost my kids. Ironically, I lost them on purpose. My wife never would have let us play such a dumb game. Seconds before I was about to call security and explain that I couldn’t find my kids, because, well, they didn’t want me to find them, I caught a lucky break and saw them running across a rope bridge. They were giggling at me. They had that kind of laugh where they knew they were getting away with something they would never get to do if Mom were around. They were really enjoying the moment. I wasn’t. I chased after them and finally caught up, feigning a heart attack from both exhaustion and panic.

I got us home safe and sound, late Sunday night. All heads were accounted for. The kids looked exhausted and malnourished after a weekend with their “super fun”—albeit “super irresponsible”—father. My wife, whom I love, was home, too, suntanned and relaxed. The kids gave their mom a long, tight hug. They enjoy their dad’s misadventures, but they also enjoy the love and affection of their protective mother. Without her, who knows what kind of endless fun they could suffer from?

For his next weekend as an unsupervised father, Rob found a place in Mexico that lets kids race go-karts over a rickety wooden bridge that crosses a saltwater pond full of sharks. “If we drive all night, we can be there when they open!”




Weekly Poll
Should the proposed aquifer exemption in Cat Canyon be approved?

Yes—the water from the proposed area can't serve as drinking water.
No—oil containments could still pollute usable groundwater.
Additional oil and gas projects can create more jobs.
We need to move away from oil and gas and look at renewable energy projects.

| Poll Results