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Santa Maria Sun / Humor

The following article was posted on April 10th, 2018, in the Santa Maria Sun - Volume 19, Issue 6 [ Submit a Story ]
The following articles were printed from Santa Maria Sun [santamariasun.com] - Volume 19, Issue 6

Rebecca Rose asks that you kindly stop telling her how to dress

By REBECCA ROSE

*In the voice of every woman in every office everywhere who loves fashion and doesn’t need your opinion about it*

Hey, friendly coworker person!

Thanks for sticking your head in my door every time you walk by to make a comment about my outfit. It’s really awesome that on top of all the other work I have to do every day here, I also have to stop and answer your questions about what I am wearing.

So for once and all, here is everything you need to know.

Nope, there is nothing I got “all dressed up for.” We don’t have any big meetings. No one from corporate is coming. Chill.

Hey, and I appreciate the whole welcome wagon thing, but you can stop telling me that “it’s OK for me to dress comfortable.” And that I “don’t have to dress up for anyone around here.” It’s great that “no one in the office is worried” about how I dress (although you seem to kind of be). I appreciate what you’re trying to do. I’m not mad at you!

But here’s the mind-blowing thing, dude: I am not dressing up for you or anyone else in this office.

Guess what? I am dressing this way for myself. I dress this way because I love how I look and, more importantly, how I feel. Period.

Take a moment and let that sink in. I know. It’s hard. It probably goes against all the crap you’ve been force fed to believe about women your whole life, like that we wear makeup or fancy dresses to get attention from men. Listen, if I wanted attention from dudes I’d wear a shirt with cheat codes to Far Cry 5 stitched on it.

And what’s that? It’s OK for me to be “comfortable?” Hey, that’s awesome. But guess what? I am comfortable in my heels and dresses and skirts and blouses and all the other things you tell me I don’t “have to wear.” You may be comfortable when you head home and thrown on a pair of jeans and T-shirt. Maybe I’m comfortable going home and putting on a ball gown. If I felt comfortable dressing up as Batman and coming in to work, I’d probably do that too.

And stop telling me I don’t have to “wear heels.” Stop telling me I “don’t have to wear those shoes around here because no one will notice anyway.” I’m not really interested in who notices my shoes or not. My shoes may look “painful” and “unnecessary” to you, but believe me, my feet are fine. I didn’t force myself into these shoes, crying in fits of agony and pain, just in the hopes that maybe you or someone else will be swept away in a cloud of shoegasm joy. Look, don’t worry about my feet, dude. Unless you are a podiatrist, why are we even having this conversation?

I know that you probably think women do each and every thing on their bodies just to lure you men into our web so we can trap you into giving us babies and Neiman Marcus credit cards, but surprise! I actually don’t think about how you’re going to react or what you think when I am in my ridiculously huge walk-in closet picking something to wear.

I wear what I wear because I wear what I like. Period. The end.

Are we cool now? Hey, that’s great. Sure, you can totally go buy me a Coke from the vending machine. You rock!

Arts and Lifestyle Writer Rebecca Rose is currently wearing Manolo Blahnik heels and sweatpants from Goodwill with the words “Speed Demon” on the butt. Contact her at rrose@santamariasun.com.




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