As difficult as it is to admit, I understand that holidays are mostly meant for young children. 

I don’t mean that fourth serving of your mother’s stuffing or that bowl of rum-heavy eggnog your uncle whips up every year. Clearly that’s the stuff we adults put up with all the insanity of the holidays for. But the season is built around children and maximizing their enjoyment, for a lot of reasons.

Mostly, it’s about helping them build memories of relatives and friends who won’t always be there with their arms full of presents or saving them the last sliver of pumpkin pie. It’s about teaching them our traditions, from the sanctified religious ones such as lighting the menorah during Hanukkah to the goofy ones like dad dressing up as Santa Claus on Christmas Eve.

click to enlarge Christmas without kids
FILE PHOTO BY JAYSON MELLOM
HOLIDAY HAPPINESS: As more and more decide to wait on having kids, couples find creative ways to spend the holidays such as incorporating their pets. BB, a professional dog model, is treated as a member of her owner’s family, receiving gifts and dressing up in holiday attire.

The fun bits of mythology are built to appeal to a child’s sense of belief in the impossible. So many aspects of the traditions of our holidays are designed specifically for young children—yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus and it was definitely him who stayed up until 4 a.m. last night assembling your Barbie Dream House. 

So what does that mean when you don’t have children?

It’s something I’ve explored for years. As a woman in my 40s who has opted (for now) to remain joyfully childless, the holidays can be a bit tricky. It’s the time of the year when you are most likely to be asked about kids and mostly likely to see big reminders of all the reasons why children and babies are such an important part of life. It takes a little getting used to. Sometimes you get creative.

It’s not just my anecdotal experience. According to the Centers for Disease control, U.S. birth rates in 2017 dropped to its lowest rate in 30 years. More and more people are opting out of having kids, and many are rethinking how to enjoy their holiday time. 

Without kids it can feel a little less pressing to make it to every holiday event. You find ways to make the day special for yourself or for you and your partner. Some couples don’t even bother to celebrate an actual Thanksgiving or Christmas. Some book vacations out of the country or enjoy extended stays at spas. Some people spend the holidays volunteering or connecting with other people who are alone during the season.

When my fiance and I lived in another state away from family, we spent more than a few Thanksgivings on the couch watching the annual Mystery Science Theater 3000’s Turkey Day Marathon. One year we just made a bunch of pies and ate pie all day because pies are awesome, folks.

Our holidays are about spending time with family but also with the family we carved out for ourselves. That includes our 3-year-old rat terrier, BB. For Christmas last year, we took her to meet Santa Claus. We were surrounded by other pet parents (many with kids themselves) who were also enjoying the chance to make their pets (I saw fish, hamsters, cats, and a ferret in addition to the dogs) a part of their holiday tradition. 

We wrap presents for her, post videos of her inspecting and opening all her gifts, dress her in holiday attire, and always get plenty of gifts from family labeled “for BB,” because the best part is in this day and age, people are more understanding of how people choose to create their own definitions of family and tradition. Plus, Thanksgiving definitely involves a special plate of grandma’s turkey set aside and wrapped up for BB.

My friend Lauren Quaid and her boyfriend, Alan Vecente, don’t have kids yet, but they too have carved out unique holiday traditions that incorporate a beloved four-legged pet. Bugsy, the couple’s 17-year-old terrier, is invited to all the family holiday celebrations and even has his own Amazon gift wishlist.

“We start Christmas day by getting up early and going to my mom’s house with Bugsy,” she said. “We are a dog-centric family. … Bugsy gets presents on Christmas morning from the whole family. He is the closest thing to a grandchild they’re going to get for a while.”

Quaid said that while the couple still gets gentle nudges about having kids, the family is understanding of the path they’ve chosen. The day they do decide to start an expanded human family, they plan to keep Bugsy integrated in their holiday traditions.

Like BB, Bugsy isn’t aware that it’s a special day for people, but he appreciates the gifts and treats that come throughout. Sometimes, a little too much. 

“My grandmother likes to buy all the men in the family a big pack of jerky,” she said. “[Vecente] got one and he put it on the floor with all our other gifts. We went in the other room to eat dinner … Bugsy wound up eating the whole five-pound bag.”

I guess whether you’re trying to hide a pile of presents from eager kids or wrestling a bag of beef jerky away from an overjoyed terrier, the holidays will always be a special time of year. 

Arts and Lifestyle Writer Rebecca Rose will give all your fur babies presents. Contact her at [email protected].

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