Tuesday, April 13, 2021     Volume: 22, Issue: 6

Santa Maria Sun / Canary

The following article was posted on April 6th, 2021, in the Santa Maria Sun - Volume 22, Issue 6 [ Submit a Story ]
The following articles were printed from Santa Maria Sun [santamariasun.com] - Volume 22, Issue 6

Temper that tantrum


While Los Alamos, Goleta, Isla Vista, Carpinteria, and Santa Ynez all know what could potentially be coming their way when it comes to recreational cannabis retail, Orcutt will have to wait until at least May 21. 

Why? A capitalistic temper tantrum. 

The Natural Healing Center—the totally non-controversial cannabis company that purchased the building that once housed the beloved Old Town Market with the intent to turn it into a cannabis storefront, causing uproar in Orcutt—took Santa Barbara County to court over its decision-making process on Orcutt’s potential cannabis retail store applicants. 

Shockingly, the Natural Healing Center didn’t make the cut. 

According to Natural Healing Center spokesperson Joe Armendariz, it’s inconceivable that their application wouldn’t be the county’s top pick for Orcutt. Inconceivable! The application was “second to none,” he said, apparently not realizing that it was, in fact, second to some. 

I mean, his company already has approvals in five other cities. How could Santa Barbara County not see how freaking wonderful they are? 

“No other companies in this space have dedicated the financial resources or the time over these past several years to positively impact the local communities in which we operate, and specifically here in the community of Orcutt,” he said.

Oh, I didn’t realize spending money was a prerequisite to getting the only cannabis retail license issued in an area. It’s absolutely conceivable that out of the six cannabis retail applicants in Orcutt, at least five would get tossed. And that one of those could be the Natural Healing Center, which pissed off a lot of Orcutt residents when it dedicated its financial resources to purchase the Old Town Market’s building assuming everything would be all good!

Community compatibility was part of the county’s ranking process, and that move wasn’t very compatible with Old Orcutt, you know?

“We are certain that not only does no other company in this process understand the needs of Orcutt better than us, but we are equally confident that no other company is more committed to doing what is right and good for Orcutt,” Armendariz said. 

What is right and good for Orcutt, Joe?

Oh, let me guess! The Natural Healing Center! 

His company missed out on making the second phase of the decision process by one measly point. Ugg! That hurts! But one point can be the difference between a winner and a loser. 

Plus, the ranking process was the same in each of the six unincorporated areas that will get their own cannabis retail locations. Inconceivable! 

Kind of how the Teamsters Local 986 feels about losing its union members from Allied Central Coast Distributing. Obviously, they were coerced, right? 

That’s what Local 986 Business Agent Jeff Lee is implying, at least. Allied—which is part of the eighth largest company in America, according to Forbes—brought in “union busters,” according to Lee, who basically rode in trucks with local delivery drivers and convinced them to decertify the union as their representative. 

Does anyone else feel like we just entered the Twilight Zone and jumped back in time? 

The Canary thinks its inconceivable that you wouldn’t get the humor. Send comments to canary@santamariasun.com.

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