Friday, June 5, 2020     Volume: 21, Issue: 14

Santa Maria Sun / Canary

The following article was posted on June 5th, 2019, in the Santa Maria Sun - Volume 20, Issue 14 [ Submit a Story ]
The following articles were printed from Santa Maria Sun [] - Volume 20, Issue 14

Cannabis conspiracy

By The Canary

Apparently, there are some residents of Santa Barbara County who choose to live under rocks for years at a time. I’m having a hard time believing that people actually exist who don’t realize that the county has spent a massive amount of public time developing its cannabis ordinance in a very public way. 

The Canary

I guess those self-righteous few do exist though. And the rumors they have spread are so numerous that the county felt compelled to issue an open letter to residents to dispel the misinformation out there. Apparently, county staff also live under a rock. You think people are going to pay attention to an open letter if they haven’t followed any of the major news outlets in the county since 2016? 


CEO Dennis Bozanich told the Sun that “people feel like they can even use the media to promote inaccurate information.” Gasp! Quick, someone catch me before I faint and flutter to the floor. Yep, Dennis, that’s something that’s been going on since the beginning of print. It’s annoying.

“Every land use issue in Santa Barbara County is controversial,” the letter states. 

No kidding. 

According to Bozanich, there are folks out there insinuating that county officials are being shady and secretive. Speaking of shade, dentist Glenn Prezkop threw some at the city of Santa Maria during a May City Council meeting, accusing officials of slipping by the fact that fluoride had slipped out of the city’s water supply. Really, the city just ran out of funding. I was just sad there weren’t any tin foil hats in the audience at that meeting because fluoride causes some people to really let the conspiracy theorist inside of them out—facts or no facts!

Speaking of conspiracies, Bozanich said the county is just looking to reset the cannabis discussion with some cold hard facts, which don’t do diddly for a discussion like this one. People just double down on their dumbassery. Cough, cough: President Donald Trump

Since the letter was released, some disgruntled cannabis haters requested a list of all of the public meetings the county has had on the issue. Don’t worry, though, when they get the list, they’ll just accuse the county of lying. Fake news!

He’s compiling it right now, and the number of meetings is nearing 60. 

It makes sense. I would roll my eyes when I heard about another meeting about cannabis—like, get to the issuing business permits parts already, people! We’ve got things like a hoop houses ordinance to work on over here. Also, who would have thought hoop houses would be so dramatic? 

It all started with some berries that needed shade. Three years and eight hearings later, the county finally passes an ordinance, and guess what happens? 

The county gets sued by the Santa Barbara Coalition for Responsible Cannabis (aka, no cannabis). Ugg, you anti-cannabis people are soooo annoying. 

The Canary hates insinuations and inuendo. Send comments to

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