Friday, May 25, 2018     Volume: 19, Issue: 12

Santa Maria Sun / Canary

The following article was posted on October 22nd, 2013, in the Santa Maria Sun - Volume 14, Issue 33 [ Submit a Story ]
The following articles were printed from Santa Maria Sun [] - Volume 14, Issue 33

Trick or tramp?

Everything I wear has to go with yellow. I have a lot of black in my wardrobe, a lot of white, and a lot of warm colors: reds and oranges. Gray is in right now. I’ve got some bold purple pieces, too, for that striking, complementary-color look.

If I’m feeling casual, I dress casual—though feathers are really made for showing off. Like other ladies, if I’m feeling sexy, I dress sexy. It’s more for me than for you, though second glances from passersby don’t hurt.

But there’s sexy, and then there’s slutty. I’m not going to berate anybody here for dressing however they want to dress for the bulk of the year, but Halloween is rapidly approaching, and for some reason this year’s batch of women’s costumes is hitting my nerves.

I know, I know. The whole “just add ‘sexy’ to the front of something, and—voila!—you’ve got a costume” bit has been done before, but if anything, this strategy seems to be on the rise. There are sexy maids, yes, and nurses, and cops, but I saw an ad for “Sultry SWAT Officer,” which starts to get into weird territory. Not as weird, however, as a sexy pizza, or a sexy bathtub/shower combo with the hot and cold knobs designed to cover your … well … I’m a bird, so I don’t have to worry about mammalian traits.

Those are real costumes women have worn.

On a Halloween costume website, I saw a newly released sexy Mario and Luigi from Super Mario Brothers, though it was probably licensing rights that led to their being dubbed “Heroic Maria” and “Sidekick Louisa.” Another new one for 2013 is “Polka Dotty,” which basically looks like Sully from Pixar’s Monsters Inc and Monsters University, but with a short skirt and tall fuzzy boots. Keep in mind that Sully was voiced by John Goodman. When I think sexy, I don’t necessarily think John Goodman. Do you?

The “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Adult Tank Dress” is already sold out.

At this point, I’m thinking turnabout is fair play. Sure, I’ve also seen “sexy” guys’ costumes, but they most often involve some sort of play on a phallic symbol, which—sorry, guys—isn’t sexy. It marks you as a creep.

So how about a Batman costume that’s just a black Speedo and the bat logo plastered onto the guy’s chest? Oh, and black boots, too. I’d also like to see a Spiderman costume made completely of body paint (and some red boxer-briefs, for modesty’s sake!).

Let’s go beyond that now. Superheroes are already dream characters, created to be hunky (the guy ones, anyway) in the first place. If that’s how you want to roll for your costume party, then that’s how you’ll roll. But Batman is already sexy to begin with. He’s a fantasy, like a naughty librarian, I guess. When you dress like either of those, you’re already playing with established characters—albeit adult ones—and the point is to play up your own sexiness. You’re acknowledging it. Not everyone may agree with it, but it’s straightforward.

But are there sexy sandwich costumes for men, like there are sexy pizza costumes for women? I don’t think so, and here’s why: Women are seen as sex objects in this culture, so anything they dress up as—if it’s revealing enough, anyway—is sexy. Our society doesn’t care if they’re wearing trash, as long as there’s a glimpse of skin.

Men don’t face that same look of lust. Sure, ladies drool over beefcakes of their own, but sexiness isn’t an expected part of a man’s very being. If a guy dresses up like a bike messenger, nobody’s going to say he dressed up as a “sexy” bike messenger—even if he is sexy. He’s just a dude in a bike messenger outfit. A woman in Spandex, though? I don’t have to tell you the comments she’d get.

Look, I could argue that the whole sexy/slutty costume thing is degrading to women as a whole, but I’m not in the business of telling my readers how to dress. And like I said before, sometimes you want to flaunt what you have.

Just put some thought into if you do, OK? Be smart, be sensible, and above all women, be safe this Halloween. There are creeps out there, and just because you’re dressed as a SWAT team member doesn’t mean you have the tactical skills to fend off someone willing to make his move for the wrong reasons.


The Canary is thinking of going as a sensible nurse this year, one who graduated near the top of her class and is especially adept at phlebotomy. Send comments or other ideas to

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